Hey Sam I’ve been reading the site for a while, except for when the URL changed and I couldn’t find it.
For context to the question I’m an 18yr old faggot from the UK. I feel like a failure because I don’t enjoy sex.
My first real sexual experience was in a tent during DofE (it’s a challenge that includes a 2 day hike) when I was 14. During the night the guy I was sharing the tent with was slowly scooting towards me. When I realised what he was doing I pushed myself back into him so we were effectively spooning (I’m pretty impatient). One thing lead to another and he ended up giving me a BJ. This only lasted a minute or so because I told him to stop as I wasn’t enjoying the sensation. I decided I should suck him off aswell but that only lasted a minute too because I didn’t like that either.
The next 4 years I was just watching porn, mostly BDSM, and it got pretty extreme to the point of watching castration and scat videos. I started playing online with people and it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had.
My next real experience was as an 18yr old with a guy I met off grinder. We were both into scat and piss so that’s was what we did. I pissed on him and he fucked me (my first time getting fucked) then made me suck his dirty cock afterwards. But while he was fucking me I didn’t feel anything (pleasure or pain). It was just … boring. I didn’t cum and wasn’t even hard at any point during the meet (ofc I made sure he enjoyed himself and let him breed me). I assumed my lack of a reaction was just because of first time nerves and how I’d been watching all this dramatic stuff online then had a relatively tame meet.
Over the space of about 3 months I started doing more extreme stuff (bondage, impact play, CBT, throat fucking, piss drinking and shit eating) hoping that eventually I’d have fun. The entire time, for all these meets, I was soft and not enjoying myself the way I imagined which left me pretty disheartened. I decided to go back to what I knew I liked and try online stuff. Long story short I met a dom online and it was amazing. We are into all the same things and have the same viewpoints where it matters. He even reads this site! Because of him I got a WiFi security camera for my room so he can check in on me whenever he likes. I also bought a chastity cage. He set rules for me and helped me focus on my school work, he also makes me workout every day as he wants me to have a more defined body. This got me back in the mood to have sex again and so I started to meet people but sadly not the dom I was speaking to as he wanted me to have a little more experience before I served him. I did however find someone else who was looking for a sub to train and we have an AMAZING time together. Sadly the problem persists. I enjoy him and spending time with him (especially the cuddles!) but having sex isn’t fun to me. I told him this and he tried to finger me and massage my prostate hoping that would help me but it didn’t really do anything for me. It just felt like pressure on my bladder. He decided to change things up and focused our meets to more service roles (foot worship and domestic service). I really enjoy both of those things but I feel like a failure for not enjoying sex. Of course I still get fucked by him as I understand that just because I don’t enjoy something doesn’t give me the right to refuse him and ruin his fun.
The chastity is also a problem but this message is FAR too long already to dive into that. Thank you for any help you can give me Sam as I really want to be a good faggot.
Your situation is pretty bewildering to be honest. It seems like you’re having trouble with intimacy in a general way. You’re not satisfied with topping or bottoming, so it’s difficult to isolate whether you might be a latent Alpha (which involves an Alpha who mistakenly believes he’s a faggot) or if you’re asexual (not interested in any kind of sexual contact).
I am personally thinking you’re not asexual because you seem to enjoy sexual stuff online. But that alone is an issue that is becoming more widespread as younger generations raised on the internet retreat behind screens and lose touch with in-person interactions. This is NOT HEALTHY and will lead to a life of unfulfillment. Humans need interpersonal communication and interaction, especially when it comes to intimacy.
I’m not fully convinced you are a faggot, either. Stop worrying about being a “good faggot” and just try finding interactions that make you feel comfortable. Everything else will fall into place, but not until you correct whatever is causing you to struggle with intimate contact. It might not be a bad idea to talk to a therapist, honestly.
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