Hi sam, i’m writing to you as a faggot that has finally accepted his place in the hierarchy. I’ve spent a long time denying it but now I feel so excited to find my place at a masters feet.
I am 24 now and still a virgin. When I was 19 I was propositioned by an alpha. He messaged me on grindr after I had changed my bio to reflect how I wanted to lose my virginity whilst in chastity. I was only mainly into chastity at this point but I had some kinky fantasies. But this man was so assertive, its like I instantly knew I had to call him Sir. He agreed to take me as his and made me delete Grindr. I wasn’t expecting this but all I could think about how much I was straining in my cage because of the way he talked to me.
He asked me about my fantasies. I told him I had thought about serving a dom before. How I wanted to try worshipping a Mans feet and being his urinal. He didn’t ask me about my limits and told me that I had to simply trust him as my master. I spoke about how I wanted aftercare too and how I thought it would be nice to cuddle. He said he will see but that he was after a faggot not a relationship. I realised then this wasn’t just kink to him.
I also told him I had a twitter account I would post cage checks to. He was receptive to the idea of making videos with me serving him as his faggot. But that all profits would go to him. This scared me though as I wasn’t keen on being exposed (still against it).
He instructed me to shave my body. He told me the first meeting would involve me crawling on my knees in lingerie that he decided for me to wear and put on his cage and give him his keys. I would have to pay him to wear the cage he owns until I find a suitable replacement. I would then have to suck his dick and swallow his cum and wash it down with his piss. I was really nervous about this as I had never even sucked cock before so I was worried I was out of my depth. I expressed this to him but he told me this is how it works and that I was there to serve him and I would know my true purpose as soon as I put my lips around his cock. I was worried about getting piss everywhere and asked if I could at least use his shower but he said that wouldn’t be necessary as I would be swallowing every drop.
He told me my cage would eventually get smaller and smaller and that he would feminise me. I was so turned on I felt like I couldn’t deny it. The power he had over me was immense and I hadn’t even met him yet.
I did everything I could to prepare. I shaved my body, sent him pictures of me in the lingerie I had bought, practiced drinking my own piss and listened to your podcast to put me in the faggot mindset.
But as the day approached I got nervous. I told him I couldn’t go through with it. I had let him down. The reason why was because I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. I wasn’t sure if this was really something I wanted or if it was just because I felt empty. I didn’t tell him about that.
Now its been five years and I am over what happened. But I still fantasise about serving him. I still have his contact details and I was thinking about reaching out but I don’t know how he would react. I keep thinking about the scenario he designed and me on my knees in front of him serving him in the way he deserved before. How do I get past the shame and guilt and express how sorry I am for denying him service?
Thanks for writing to me!
Wow, what a shame that you passed on the opportunity this Master offered you to help you grow! It sounds like he understood quite well that you were inexperienced and nervous, and he laid out his plan for you in precise details so you knew exactly how things would go. There wouldn’t be any surprises, and he would guide you through everything. That’s rare to find!
I’m really surprised and saddened that you read my stuff and listened to my podcast and you didn’t get the repeating message to BE COURAGEOUS and to TAKE ACTION. We simply get nowhere unless we take steps forward.
Here’s the thing you haven’t considered: five years have been lost to you worrying about stuff and inventing scenarios in your mind, but five years have also passed FOR HIM as well. Do you think he’s been waiting anxiously for you to contact him this entire time? I assure you, he hasn’t. He might have already found that right faggot or faggots.
There’s only one thing that can happen: YOU need to TRY. Reach out to him and humbly seek an audience with him so you can apologize and offer to correct the situation. He might turn you down … and then again, he might not. You’ll never, ever know unless you TRY.
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