Gay alphas

I wanna believe you so bad when u say gay alphas exist , but in my experience I've never actually met one , at best they were closeted bisexual, but true gay alpha men ? Real Men , naturally masculine and gay... They're like a unicorn. I'm honestly in a phase of my life where I'm kinda over just being used , I know I'm still a fag but I would love to be at the service of someone that "sees me" , is attracted or even with a huge amount of luck could even love me but I feel like this isn't even a possiblity when gay alphas seems to not even exist... I guess that's just a rant but I really have no one to talk to about this and you're like a mentor. Thanks for even just reading