Can I be a faggot?

Hi Sam. I am 38 years old and openly gay all my adult life. I got married to my husband 20 years ago and we adopted a child. I did all the “American dream” things. Married, career, home, children etc. etc. while I am openly gay, I have suppressed my faggot nature. A few years ago I told my husband I needed to submit and worship Alphas. My husband’s NOT an Alpha so he gave me permission to serve others and I have done so very well for 3 years now. My problem is, I have to give most of my time to my family and career and I’ve struggled to find an alpha that doesn’t want ALL of me all the time. So my question is, can I be a faggot even though most of my time is spent in service to my family and career? Or should I accept that I can’t serve enough and retire my faggothood?