Straight alpha

Hello

I am a faggot who has been adoring my straight friend since high school. Even at 16 he looked like a 20 year old bodybuilder. I was adoring him ever since. In high school i didn't pursue any gay relationships, and I had very little in common with him, but I always hung around him. On graduation day we had a party where he stripped. I drank beer from his pecs and licked his nipples. Still a core memory. When I brought it up some years later he didn't remember.

Anyway. Over the years I have come out to him and I have saved a gallery collection of his thirst traps he has sent me. I have at times been either drunk or extremely horny and begged to be his slave or serve him in any way, and he has rejected every offer. He has never told me off for thirsting after him, but he has also never given me any indication that he will let me do anything beyond admiration. At one time he was even offended that I thanked him for tolerating my bs so much, telling me he views me as a friend and equal. At one time he said he doesn't mind that I'm in love with him because we have very little in common, and had I not been gay we wouldn't have become friends

One time when I was at his place we were sunbathing together on the roof terrace of his apartment building. I tried to offer massaging his feet and I got close at one point, but he didn't let me do any of it. Zero interest.

At this point he has gone through several long term relationships with beautiful women, and atp it breaks my heart. I really want to serve him. I even tried to fix an alpha twitter for him so he could get some extra money. Am I pursuing a futile goal here? It's been 10 years now, I really want to know if I'm just hurting myself.