DISCLOSURE?

It was not until finding this new site that I discovered for the FIRST time that there was an actual clinical "name" regarding the kind of Faggot that I am, Agonophilia.

I'm a former MMA fighter, started was I was 17, my win loss stats were about 30/70 not great.  But I discovered early-on that if the guy I was up against was hot looking and wiping up the floor with me my dick got hard.  It wasn't until much later I was on a card in AC against a guy who looked like Zac Efron who was demolishing me and felt for a brief second that he had a hardon that I realized there were dudes (mostly Str8 like he was, GF and baby) who were equally turned when they were beating up another dude.  (that nite in the run down AC motel with him I discovered I was not just gay I was a Faggot and a very specific kind of Faggot born to bow down worship and be used by superior men to take out their frustrations on with their fists and their dicks while they still remained All-Man)

I have 3 superior Alpha men I serve this way now, long term, all str8, 2 are married with families all are quid pro quo, and the longest has been going on 16 years.  I've never been in the closet always been "out" everyone of my buds knows this, but recently a buddy who's also gay discovered something in my apt relating to one of my Alphas and I lied my ass off to explain it away.

My question is this; I DO feel pride in how I serve and pride in serving superior men, BUT I also feel embarrassment and shame if my buddies ever knew about this bc getting beatup by real men is something they might think less of me for.

Does anyone share the degree of Faggot they are to others outside of the men they serve?  Admit they are cashfags or total servants or in my case beatdown Fags ??  And am I NOT being the best Faggot I can be if I DON'T admit with pride what I am in relation to superior men and what they do to me??

Thanks.