A confused sub

Hello Sam!

I'm a submissive boy from Iran. I'm 31 years old and married. My wife knows about my desires and sometimes dominates me it feels nothing for me. It feels so fake. I considered myself straight all my life and I wanna submit to a dominant woman in my dreams but finding a real one seems impossible specially where I live.

I'm your long time reader and alpha men and hierarchy idea really turns me on and I think it's true. There is a natural hierarchy between men

But here is my problem, whenever I tried to approach or have any kind of erotic or sexual or service based contact with an alpha man I feel turned off by the body and the look and voice and.... Of those men. I'm ssubmissive who craves for power to worship but I can't find it in women and I can't enjoy serving men. So I'm confused. Am I a faggot? And if I am what should I do? I tried contacting alpha men few times but each time I felt sick in stomach after our first meeting. And gave it up. Your wisdom and help is well needed and appreciated bro