Am I sick for enjoying it?

Hi! First time writing here, after reading a lot for almost half a year, I've come to the conclusion that I am a faggot.

A few years back I was raped, and while I'm not ready to delve deeper in that subject for now, I admit he was the first person to cunt me, and so I must say it has defined a lot my sexual relationships. 

It's a more recent event (around a year) that in sex, I've come to enjoy far rougher sex, to serve a man as his sexual toy, to forget my pleasure for his.

And so I've come to the decision that I'm a faggot, but still my mind has that voice in my head that questions if I'm truly sane for enjoying things that were so similar to that past event.

That said, I've never truly been with an alpha, or at least not since then... So any tips you could have are recommended and deeply appreciated!

Thanks for listening to me and have a great day to those who read it!