Ex-Alpha Straight Best Friend

Hi Sam,

Great blog, it's helped me realise my beta/fag side and my lust for worshipping alphas.

I need your advice...I had a straight alpha best friend for 10 years. When we became friends, I wasn't 'out'. We were very close... going to the gym, going out drinking (him picking up girls) etc.

He was a natural alpha...hot body, great looks, supreme confidence, controlled aggression, and a big cock (he told me and I can verify as I saw it!). He had the pick of women and would regularly tell me of his sexual activities and how women went crazy over his cock. During our friendship he told me numerous times that he knows he is an Alpha and I can tell he enjoys having control over others.

Some of the activities we would do when I was still in the closet involved sleeping in the same bed and aggressively play fighting in our boxer shorts where he would regularly pin me down - I loved it! Frequently, he would pin me down in his boxers by sitting on my chest with his knees over my shoulders, so I couldn't move my arms, with me 'pretending' to struggle while staring at his big bulge. I loved the submissive nature of it and I think he enjoyed the dominance.

On another occasion, we nearly showered together after a drunken night out but he stopped after seeing I was getting a hard-on. Damn!

Anyway, after around 5 years into our friendship, I came out to him when drunk and he accepted me 100%. I was so scared, as previously he had made some jokingly homophobic comments, but he didn't let it affect our friendship and would often stick up for me if we went out on nights out etc.

Fast forward to around 2 years ago...we went on a night out and we both got very drunk. In the early hours of the morning, we headed back to mine, where he was staying over. I was nearly blackout drunk at this point. He slept on the sofa and me in my own bedroom. Shortly after going to bed, unconsciously, I went up to him while he was sleeping and asked him if he wanted his dick sucked.

He asked me to repeat what I said and I asked him again. I'll be honest, I thought this was an actual dream that I was having and in that moment I didn't have any control over my actions. He left my house immediately. The next morning, I apologised - I was devastated. He replied saying that he needed time to think about our friendship etc.

He ended the friendship. I was devastated, gutted and depressed. I lost my closest friend at that point. Anyway, we haven't spoken in two years. I still think of him most days. I get we won't ever be friends again but I yearn to serve him even if it is transactional. I was always pretty submissive to him and wanted to please him.

I have often wondered what would happen if I tried to approach him like you have advised on this blog.

Previously he had confided in me that he is a very sexual man and needs frequent service, when talking about problems with his girlfriend (they are still together).

I would love to worship and serve him but I don't know if I should try to or not. In my eyes, he is a god alpha and deserves true worship. While we were friends, I buried these feelings as best I could but I guess I have lost everything now anyway.

What are your thoughts?