Gay Alpha , but…

I'm 28 , gay , Alpha top and I've always been like that. Never bottomed never even considered submitting to another dude... till recently. I don't know how it started but when I'm with my straight friends I feel like a beta around them and the worse part is that they turn me on , admitting this shit it's hard cause they my bros and we are supposed to be on the same level(?) but fuck I'm getting to a point where because of this "arousal" I'm becoming more and more "submissive" with them and I'm scared they are starting to notice. Can't stop the fantasies expecially when around them and they talk about the pussies they get ,being all manly and shit...and can't stop the fantasies of them callin me a fag, humiliating me , laughing at me for being the gay of the group , crave for them to do to me what I do to my bottoms. The sad part is that this fantasies I have ,never involve gay men , not even my fellow alpha tops , only straight men I never had this kind of fantasies and now I'm getting them more and more to a point that in honesty I can't say anymore that this thing is limited to my friends but it's slowly affectin my view of straight men in general and that is scary. When I'm aroused and I'm having a solo session I just run with it but when the clarity hits I'm disgusted at myself , fantasizing at my friends , craving for them to say some homophobic shit... Why ? Why this Is happening to me. I don't wanna be a beta , I never even wanted to be a bottom  , I know you're a fag and you are proud, I guess, of your submissiveness but how can I stop , delete my growing submission towards straight men?