I am Lost

(Sent the same by email under the same title)

Hi Sam

I have a bit of a conundrum. I feel like being someone's fag would bring me fulfillment in life, but I do have a few personal issues.

Personal details if that helps form a visual image of who I am;

22 years old. Southern African. Not sure if I am gay or bi because I have gotten it on with women. Monogamous. 'Liberal' I suppose.

1. Pride and Ego. Its hard for me to accept the title 'fag', because that title feels beneath me. I could never accept that some people are born superior to me. I think to highly of myself (God complex honestly), and so cannot accept that I'm meant to call every alpha 'Sir.'

2. Self Identity. I have seen on your blog and other sources how 'fags' present themselves, the 'ideal' picture of how a submissive is meant to act. That is so far divorced from how I act that it feels like if I cannot act like the basic fags, I would stop being who I am, and that's something I cannot do.

3. Feeling Lost. I've seen that the alphas on your blog and other places have an idea of how a fag should be. The perfect bitch with no autonomy at all. That can not be me. And so it is as if just because of who I am, I can never attract an Alpha. In order to gain this one thing, I would have to lose something else, and that is a bargain I cannot make.

I feel like this makes me sound like a hopeless case, but I can give you a scenario of how I would want the perfect situation;

I meet a man who makes it clear that they are an Alpha. They state what they want. They show me that they actually are an alpha (basically someone in control of their life, someone commanding in their presence, someone who is a never moving mountain in the storm). They do not just demand obedience and submission, but show me why my giving them submission and obedience (to specifically them) would be the best thing for me. Not ''Obey because you are a fag and slave and that's your role'' but ''Surrender to me because by giving yourself to me you will have everything you've ever (spiritually? psychologically? emotionally?) wanted''. I hope that made sense.

Also, they should want me not want me because I'm just a 'fag' made to be conquered, but because there is something about me that drew them to want to conquer me.

I hope this did not sound like, ''Woe is me.'' I genuinely have no idea if I should just give up on the idea of ever finding an alpha. I would appreciate any advice you can give or anyone else you could kindly pass my conundrum onto.

Yours

Let me go by Mat.