I honestly feel lost

Not so a question but more of a general confusion and I don't know what to do about it and I can't talk to anyone about it so here I am. I am confused. I'm 25m and a virgin. I'm bi but closeted as I live in an area that isn't really friendly with that. I'm also religious which is why I haven't had sex or pursued any sexual desires. I don't know what I am or how to even approach anything because it's not really possible to do anything physical. I thought I was pretty vanilla but I've been diving deep into all kink related stuff recently especially Alpha/fag Dom/sub dynamics. I initially tried out subbing online and I think it was nice but it never really felt right. But I've read all kinds of posts about fags and alphas, their interactions, how fully fags have submitted and it turns me on so much! I continuously feel myself getting turned on by the submission. I initially thought it was me wanting to be submissive but every day I feel myself gravitating towards dominating. I tried it online too and hell it feels amazing it's such a rush. But it didn't fit either. Maybe the barrier of being online is making everything weird. I'm getting more frustrated and annoyed by the day that I can't do anything about it.

There really isn't a question. Just more of an outlet to speak my mind.