Is it over for me?

Hi sam.

I'm a soon to turn 38yo faggot from Rio and I've been dealing with this gut wrenching anxiety for a while. I'm a good faggot. I've always been, since I was 13 and served my school bullies without questioning or even knowing about what being a fag was(or even gay for that matter, I actually used to think I was bi) or hierarchy. I've done basically everything there is to do in the fag book: being used sexually, domestically, taking a good beating, degraded, exposed, used by my straight friends to kill their "curiosity" on how does it feel to be sucked by a guy - and completely aware that I was being used by that, and I was ok with it. I've served alphas in locker rooms, public bathrooms, You name it. I even got to be used to take an alphas brother virginity so he could practice with a faggot in order for him to be confident and know what to do with his first girl. I was used by a straight alpha whose girlfriend wanted to see him fucking another guy (and I only got to see that girl at the motel room). I've done chastity (by myself). I've done findom. I mean... It was never, EVER, a problem finding an alpha to serve.

But maybe I'm living a kinda early midlife crisis of some sort. My looks is not the same as it used to (I've always been chubby, but I gained a lot of weight over the last year and a half due to depression - which is being treated and I feel a lot better now, though I tried to take my own life last November).

I just... I feel like this is it for me. I can't get a guy (not even talking about an alpha, but just A GUY) to use me. And yes, I tried escort services unsuccessfully. It's like they don't wanna use me EVEN IF I PAY THEM. And this last part is what seems to hurt me the most, idk.

I've always been a very proud and confident fag. And I'm pretty lost and loosing faith about it to be honest with you.

Any advise for me? Is there a point of no return in the life of faggots where we're just disposable like that?