Where do I fit in life

In the middle of figuring myself out

Im A 23 year old non white male w/who always found other white males growing up attractive in school, sometimes I stare hard, now it has gotten better

Anyways I’ve started my life during my teen/college years diving into p**n and maybe obsessed w/ p**n and while I fall more on serving and enjoying the feeling, I’m mixed.

1. I rather be on top of hierarchy, never fucked a women, or topped, I don’t feel like fully dominating but at the same time fully serving feels weird. Am I just in the middle.I often live life independently so being w/someone of doing things w/ (groups or two people) is also a bit foreign

u might not be able to give me an answer but I envy those straight hot college guys that look like they blend into life so preciously, it’s like they live life on easy mode and have no problems in life, I’m jealous