Since I was young, I can remember craving the attention of really masculine Men. I was really confused by this and tried to hide it. I tried to be more masculine, gain muscle, talk with a deeper voice, and roll with the guys. Eventually, I realized I was gay. I tried to convince myself that I was a top. I never fucked anyone but I tried starting relationships with fem guys that invariably didn’t work. They could sense there was something in me that didn’t quite feel right. I was really depressed for a while.
Eventually, I stumbled on some Tumblr blogs that put things in perspective for me. I started to realize that, though I am male, I am not a Man. I had been told my whole life to be masculine, to fuck with my penis, to be a Man. But I learned that I was actually a pussy boy and that I should learn to use my boy hole instead of my boy clit.
I didn’t know what to think at first. I didn’t want to give up my masculinity and be a bitch, be the girl in the relationship. I started looking at my hole in the mirror and playing with my ass cheeks, still too afraid to put something inside. I started masturbating in strange position with my ass up in the air. It felt good but scary to be in those vulnerable positions.
As I started watching porn more oriented towards pussy boys, I found myself thinking about how great it must feel to surrender to a real Man, to give in to my desires, to please Men, to get fucked. I realized I needed to buy a dildo and try it out. What was the worst that could happen?
When that dildo finally pierced my hole, I permanently changed. I had never felt such sensations in my entire life. The feeling of being opened up and fucked like a bitch boy was incredible, over powering, and undeniable. I couldn’t keep running from it.
But run I did. I went through several dildos since that first one. I’d use one for a while and then throw it out, afraid of what I had done. But I always bought another; I craved it in my hole.
And that’s where I am now. I still crave cock in my boy pussy, but I’m still too afraid and embarrassed to admit that I’m a pussy boy.
I feel like I failed as a Man. And I guess I know I did…I feel so conflicted. I don’t want to cage my dick, but I want to cage it. I don’t want to submit, but I want to submit. I don’t know. I’m just tired of feeling like this.
Well, I don’t know what I can really say here. There’s no question you’re a faggot, but if you’re going to be this freaked out about a DILDO then you have almost no hope of ever serving a Man.
There’s a wonderful expression in English: “Shit, or get off the pot.” In other words, get the job done … or quit trying. I don’t have any magical words to make you get the courage to try – that’s all on you. The sad truth is there are plenty of faggots like you out there who will never fully experience their true purpose simply because they couldn’t muster the courage to try.
I can only show you the path. I can’t make you walk it.
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