Hi! First time writing here, after reading a lot for almost half a year, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a faggot.

A few years back I was raped, and while I’m not ready to delve deeper in that subject for now, I admit he was the first person to cunt me, and so I must say it has defined a lot my sexual relationships. 

It’s a more recent event (around a year) that in sex, I’ve come to enjoy far rougher sex, to serve a man as his sexual toy, to forget my pleasure for his.

And so I’ve come to the decision that I’m a faggot, but still my mind has that voice in my head that questions if I’m truly sane for enjoying things that were so similar to that past event.

That said, I’ve never truly been with an alpha, or at least not since then… So any tips you could have are recommended and deeply appreciated!

Thanks for listening to me and have a great day to those who read it!

Thank you for writing!

What you’re experiencing is quite common among rape victims, particularly faggot rape victims. I was raped around 19/20 years old (my first time being fucked), and after the initial shock and shame wore off I began to crave him again. Even now, so many years later, I would definitely kneel and submit to him and his violence if he ever showed up again. I’ve written a song about him, in fact, titled “Kenny”. (No, it’s not available at the moment.)

I think what we’re experiencing is a form of Stockholm Syndrome that causes us to yearn for those powerful Men who brutalized and scarred us.

Some would benefit from getting counseling for it, I’m sure. I never did. I made my own peace with it, and writing about it on this site has helped me, too. You might have resources to help you, or you are welcome to join the rapidly-growing Hierarchy University Discord community (link on the LINKS page).