Why does homophobia turn me on ?

Hi Sam, it’s been a while now that X pushes homophobic maga supposedly Straight Alphas on my feed, and I’m surprised and ashamed to say it really turns me on. I’m ashamed to say I’ve also sent to these doms, when in heat. I understand the basic logic in it : it feels wrong so it’s exciting, it feels forbidden so it’s hot, and of course there’s a strong component of inequality, harsh words, internalized homophobia on my part, etc.

I guess as a self locked fag I’m not that surprised it turns me on, but as a pretty normal guy, from France, educated, left wing, saddened by Trump’s America, and with many friends and a caring family, I don’t get how I may be obsessed with being bullied (which I never experienced), called a loser (which I know I’m not), and most of all being led to feel shame and apologize for being a « degenerate fag » (which surely resonates within me, but which I don’t believe in).

Any advice ?
Thanks