Help with dealing with my emotions

Hi Sam,

I’ve been serving an alpha gainer who’s 5 years younger than me for over a year now. It started off with him coming over and I’d buy him food and worship him and suck him off, and over time grew to me doing his weekly shopping, laundry, fixing his car etc.

He had a bf but still used me, and when they broke up he used me more often. A few months ago he said he mightn’t be able to see me anymore because he was seeing a new guy and didn’t want to feel bad. I reached out to you and you suggested to continue doing his chores, which I did and he accepted.

However more recently I’ve noticed that he seems to be more distant and not as engaging.

Within the past year I’ve had one serious illness, a health scare and a death in my family, and the family house I was staying in was sold and I had to move back with my parents. I was numb to everything that went on in the last year, but it suddenly hit me recently when the house I was staying in was cleared out, and I felt low. I felt like everything was collapsing around me and I was lost and a failure, especially with my alpha becoming more distant. I reached out to him at my lowest and he helped me through it, and opened up to him about my childhood, job, personal life etc. He wanted to keep his life private, which I respected, but said I would love to know more about him if he wanted to talk.
The other day realised I had fallen for him and had strong feelings for him, which I confessed to him. He said he didn’t want me to think something would come of it, and agreed to keep things the way they are for now.

I’m terrified now that I’ve crossed a line and he will slowly or even suddenly cut me off. I’m afraid to message him back in case I appear needy, but at the same time I’m afraid to not message him in case he decides he’s better off without me.

Please Sam I could really use some advice now, it feels like my whole world is crumbling and I don’t want to think of a life without my alpha in it.