Questions From Readers

Hi Sam,

I’ll be honest, your philosophy really intrigues me (much to the horror of my heart lol) but I feel like I don’t fit into your hierarchy at all.

Basically, I’m asexual, kind of. I refuse to partake in anything traditionally seen as sex/sexual (anal, bjs, hjs, rimming, etc) because I am sex-repulsed. But, I still get turned on by dominance (and feet/socks lol) and wish to enter a relationship with a slight power imbalance with my partner as the dom.

I wanted to know if you think I still fit into the hierarchy, or if I exist separately from it? Apologies if this is too vague, but I really want to know what you think.

Thanks,

Thank you for writing! 

Believe it or not, I have some personal experience with asexuality. My precious Baby Boy, the kid I rescued from Syria, is also asexual. We sort of discovered this about him over long conversations, and he finally came to accept this about himself. I’m so proud of him (and you) for embracing this unusual aspect of your lives!

As far as asexuality in Hierarchy is concerned, you’re misunderstanding something. Hierarchy is not a SEXUAL structure of societal composition, but rather a way to understand the POWER and SOCIAL INFLUENCE aspects of societal composition. 

Now, sex DOES come into play (due primarily to the power play aspects of sexual encounters), but sexual orientation, sexual position, or sexual preference has nothing to do with where we are Hierarchically. 

If I had to guess without knowing more than what you told me, I’d say you are a “beta-sub” on my chart. That’s a comfortable place to be for a sub-leaning asexual! I hope that helps!  

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