Questions From Readers
Hi Sam,
I have a question but I feel like I need to have a thorough explanation of my background to get to it, so if you wouldn’t mind, I’ll tell my story here.
I’m a 54 year old man who is married to a woman for 25 years now. Seven years into my marriage I got curious about gay sex; I guess, that seven year itch was a real thing. Anyway, back then, all I knew of were the personal ads section of Craigslist under Men looking for Men.
I would read personal ads there and those were enough to get my fantasy going – these would be enough fodder for me to jerk off with and I’d be good for a while. A while changed drastically from a few weeks, to a few days, to a few hours. I ended up spending so much time on Craigslist that I knew most of the frequent posters already. Eventually, even the ads that I would find hot would progress (or regress) from just imagining some local guy in my area getting it on with another man to more kinkier stuff — like, those involving BDSM.
Eventually, one specially horny night, I ended up replying to an ad from a Dom Master who was looking for “students” for a “submission class” he was forming.
I was surprised when Sir reaponded. We corresponded for several weeks and Sir was disappointed there weren’t enough responders to his ad but he was happy to at least have me.
His domination over me took several more weeks online (think email, not apps) before Sir had me meet him at a motel.
I was told to wait for him naked and prostrated on the motel room floor, head against the carpet and told not to move.
It was a day of many firsts for me. I became a cocksucker that day, a piss swallower, and a cum bucket. Though, Sir left me an anal virgin still. And all this transpired while I was blindfolded. So, I haven’t even seen my Master’s face then.
It was only after a couple more in person sessions that I finally saw his face, it was when he took my ass pussy on my marital bed without my wife ever finding out.
My last session with him, he had me spend overnight and him and his friends used me several times in so many ways I hadn’t even imagined possible.
After having experienced nothing like it in my life, one would think I would have found my calling then and started a new life as a faggot. But that wasn’t the case, I soon found myself reeling in shame and guilt. I swore off all faggotry and even anything remotely gay. Though I wasn’t always successful, I was determined to stay straight for the rest of my life.
Now almost two decades later, I find myself back where I was. Instead of Craigslist, there are apps now. And just like before, I was just a voyeur to the chats and groups and porn, I slowly started chatting, then sending pics and vids of me here and there. Next thing you know, I am serving men again, albeit, all online only.
Thing is, I found a Dom who is local and he is naturally dominant and seems to understand my situation well. He wants us to meet, he wants to use me in person. He promises to use me as the faggot I was meant to be.
Part of me wants to meet him. But I am scared. I don’t know if I want to actually meet this Dom only to feel the same guilt afterwards. Also, I don’t know if I still have it in me to be the faggot that Sir deserves. After all, I am much older now. Is it like riding a bicycle? Will I again naturally know what to do and be able to do what Sir asks if me? Will I still be able to take what Sir plans to do to me?
He is open to discuss the situation and we have but I am still apprehensive. I don’t want to ruin the life my wife and I have built but also there’s this opportunity that I don’t often have. What advice can you give this closeted faggot?
Thank you
Thank you for the question!
I will say that being a faggot is just like riding a bike. You don’t forget what your purpose is or how you’ve been trained. It just takes re-engagement.
Your feelings of guilt are natural, especially for fags in your situation. And frankly, that’s probably healthy for you.
But what are you trying to protect at this point? You already risked your wife and marriage years ago.
I think the shame you’re feeling is the same shame that led you to marry a female in the first place. That shame is still making your decisions, unfortunately.
I have little confidence that you’re going to make a significant change in your life and actually experience the fulfillment of this purpose that has followed you throughout your life.
My recommendation is for you to put this away and forget it. Just live the rest of your life in the trajectory you’ve already charted for yourself. It’s simpler, and will cause you the least anxiety.
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