Questions From Readers

hi Sam,  wanted to reach out to share my story. I was taken out of school when I was 15, my parents were concerned I was being bullied. I drank a bottle of piss as a dare from a boy in my class.  It wasn’t the first, but was the first my folks found out about. First time was a dare. Second time was a forfeit. I didn’t see the big deal.  It never tasted that bad and was almost my party trick. It equal parts intrigued and disgusted my peers,I guess.  I didn’t over think it.  Someone blabbed to their parents who told mine.  Dad came into my room when I was in the bathroom and found my water bottle half filled with piss. My parents pulled me out of school. It took 8 weeks to get me into another one,  a 45 min bus journey across town.  My older brother was disgusted at first,  but then he started to ask questions,  why,  when how long and… why,  over and over again.  He asked if i was gay and I said I wasn’t.  I didn’t think I was.  It was a shitty time for me,  I was pulled out of school away from my friends,  my dad wouldn’t speak to me. About a week had passed , maybe more when there was a knock on my room, it would have been about 4am. It woke me up.  I went to the door and nobody was there,  except my brother’s cup on the floor, there was something in the cup,  it was piss. Not much, but a little.  I could smell it.  I took cup into my room and closed door. I didn’t drink it but went into my bathroom and poured it in sink. I was annoyed that my brother was mocking me.  

Next morning he’d gone to school early,  I wanted to confront him for trying to humiliate me.  I stewed on it all day,  how I was going to confront him.  Hit him.  Tell dad what he’d done. He came home about 4. Before I could say anything he said “There’s more of it,  if you want, but I’ll need my cup back. Is it still in your room?”

It dawned on me then that he did it to be nice.  Allowing me to drink his piss.  Although,  at that point I hadn’t yet,  I’d poured it into the sink. He didn’t know that though and I wasn’t going to tell him.  From that point on most mornings he’d come into my room with a cup, sometimes he watched me drink it,  other times he just left it on the chest of drawers and walked away.  Nothing sexual ever happened between us.  He’s now married with his wife expecting. Parents died a couple of years ago in automobile accident.  I came out to mum but never to dad.  I’m in an equal,  loving relationship.  Our dynamic doesn’t fit the alpha/fag hierarchy. But whether me and my brother get together,  more often than not, at some point he’ll leave room and reappear with something in a cup for me.  We don’t even talk about it,  it just happens. We meet up rarely these days,  maybe every two or three months.  My partner doesn’t know,  nor does his wife.  As I said,  nothing sexual has ever happened between us,  nor will it.  But there’s a moment every time when we’re sitting in silence and I’m drinking from the cup he’s just filled. It feels right and it transcends any emotion or feeling I’ve felt in my current or any previous relationship or sexual encounters. I’ve never discussed it with him but the fact he keeps allowing me to drink his piss shows maybe he feels the same.  I’ll never jeopardise his marriage,  since our parents died we’re all we have left of our family.  We love each other and maybe we have different roles to play in each other’s lives.

Boy this is a crazy story, brother. I’ve never heard anything quite like it. I’m not sure I entirely agree with your reason why he’s doing this to you. I think he’s doing it as a power move also. 

It’s impressive that your brother cares enough about you to help you with this thing he doesn’t really understand other than Hierarchically and subconsciously. It’s still very unusual! Thanks for sharing! 

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