Questions From Readers
Hello,
My name is Jon. I’m in my late 30s—5’10″, 155 lbs, average/fit build—and I live in Washington, D.C.
I’ve been part of the gay scene for about 20 years, but I’ve still not found what I’ve been deeply craving: the opportunity to truly submit to someone. I’ve tried, but honestly, I haven’t had much luck. I’ve encountered so many fakes and flakes over the years, and as I get older, I worry that it’s becoming even harder to find what I’m looking for. That thought breaks my heart.
At the same time, I have fears about family finding out and being disappointed in me. I dream of finding someone—a friend or boyfriend—who I can have a “normal” relationship in public, while privately being able to fully submit to them.
Just to share a little background: I was raised in an African culture and often felt more comfortable spending time with girls because I didn’t feel “man enough.” Even back then, I think I knew something about myself that I just couldn’t express. There are many moments in my life where I’ve shown my true colors. but I’ve never been bold enough to admit anything because of my family.
I’m sorry if I’m rambling. I guess I’m just hoping for some guidance—or maybe, even, for someone out there to consider giving me a chance.
Thank you so much for reading.
Jon, thanks for writing!
I really can hear the frustration eating you up inside, and I feel for you. For African cultures, there’s enormous pressure on males to conform to certain masculine expectations. That can be overwhelming, and almost choke you to death.
But you are not alone in this. We all deal with these pressures in one way or another.
Honestly, trying to live life as a true faggot is very hard because much of gay culture dismisses faghood as a fetish, and not a serious state of being. So we are sometimes even ostracized by our own “community”.
But to be blunt, the solution to your issue lies INSIDE YOU. You need to learn to let go of these family pressures (because they ultimately mean nothing) and take responsibility for your own path and happiness.
Finding a Master is a process of trial and error, but it can be done. Apps like Grindr, TheBlowers.com, Recon, and others can get you access to Alphas, and from there you can start making connections. I’d recommend that you start submitting to Alphas you know in your everyday life, but you don’t sound ready for that.
There’s no magic bullet here. It just takes working on yourself and trying your best to submit both publicly and privately to Men. It will lead to success, but nothing will happen until you heal the family issues holding you back.
