Questions From Readers
Hello Sam, I hope you are doing well.
I’m reaching out because I’m trying to better understand my situation.
I was in a relationship with my ex-partner who, while sometimes gentle, was also emotionally and physically abusive. We never had a Dom/Sub relationship, he was just mainly interested in anal sex, and barely kisses and hugs. After we broke up, I had to continue living in his apartment for about a year, sleeping in a separate room. During that time, he often treated me in a degrading way, expecting me to clean after him, leaving messes for me (dirty plates on table etc), and generally acting as if I didn’t matter.
A few months later, he started a relationship with his long-time female friend, and I was still living there when this happened. I could hear them having sex sometimes, and although it made me feel humiliated and hurt, I later found myself thinking about those moments during masturbation. They also excluded me socially and barely acknowledged my presence in the apartment.
On a side note: He was never in a relationship with a female before and I still see him watching gay porn while taking a bath.
What confused me the most was that when I finally decided that I wanted to leave, he asked me not to go, which created a lot of emotional contradiction for me. His exact words were “No, please don’t go”.
Recently, I’ve noticed that I feel drawn to Dom/Sub and Alpha/F*ggot dynamics in a sexual context, and I’m wondering if these desires are somehow linked to what I experienced during that period of my life.
My question is: Should I keep living with him and just empty my life? Or is it better to find a healthier Alpha/Sub relationship?
Thank you in advance for your guidance.
Thank you for writing!
Over the years of writing this site I’ve noticed a common theme among people who do not fully understand/accept their natural hierarchical roles: BAD RELATIONSHIPS. When we don’t understand hierarchical dynamics, we fall clumsily into natural roles, but we are not equipped to handle them because we don’t understand or accept them fully. I think that’s what happened to you AND this ex-boyfriend (?).
I’m pretty sure you’re a faggot, but it’s hard to tell at this point because your actions are murky and unfocused. I’m not sure if this ex is Alpha or just a jerk, but he’s doing some things an Alpha might do with a faggot.
Again, it’s murky because you both wander around in roles like blind guys in a funhouse. Neither of you have fully embraced a purpose, so you’re clashing because you have no idea what goes where. Imagine trying to plug something into a socket with your eyes closed. You might get it close, but it’s virtually impossible to make a connection until you open your eyes.
That’s what I honestly suggest: you both need to open your eyes. There are plenty of resources on this site to study and consider. I have a book called “Are You A Faggot?” (link in the BOOK STORE page) that helps fags determine if they’re actually a faggot. There’s also a book there for Masters who own faggots.
I do think there’s a fundamental lack of knowledge or appreciation of hierarchical truth happening here. Not sure if it’ll fix everything between you, but it’ll help each of you individually.
In the meantime, yes, I think you need to move out. What’s happening is borderline ridiculous, and you should’ve been done with it a long time ago.
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