Hello to the Hierarchy University team. Firstly, I want to praise the incredible platform and content you have built here. Your articles and insights are absolutely brilliant and they’ve been a real eye-opener for me. You explain the raw truths about dominance and submission with a level of honesty that just can’t be found anywhere else. It has truly helped me understand my own mind much better.
I’m 34 and I’m hitting you up because I’m dealing with a really heavy internal conflict that’s messing with my head, and I could use your blunt perspective.
In my everyday life, I’m into women. I want a normal, vanilla relationship. I get real attraction and erections when I see women out in the world or at the gym. But here’s the catch: whenever I’m with a woman in bed, I just cannot cum. The attraction and the erection are there, but I simply can’t ejaculate, which ends up causing me a ton of stress. Even when I watch straight porn, I’m only drawn to very specific kinky stuff—like intense female submission, voyeurism, and scenes where women are completely dominated by multiple guys with huge packages.
But the real mindfuck happens when I go online. I don’t necessarily stare at a screen for 10 hours straight, but I compulsively open dozens of porn tabs at the same time, jumping between intense submissive male dominance and feminization fantasies. This hits a trigger that sends me straight to dating apps like PlanetRomeo, looking for hardcore chats with dominant Alphas.
My fetishes are very specific: I’m obsessed with total submission and “penis erasure.” In porn, I usually get turned on by bottoms wearing thong-strings and jockstraps. i want to be in their place! In my own life, I’ve started buying all this gear—tight jockstraps, strings, full-face masks, and even full-body fishnet bodystockings. I regularly take highly provocative, slutty photos of myself in this gear and upload them to these apps to attract Alphas who will treat me like an object. In those moments, I just want to feel like a fully feminized “woman” where the Alpha is the only one who holds the power and masculinity in the room.
This constant back-and-forth between my straight reality and this hidden submissive urge is causing me massive anxiety. I feel completely trapped.
My questions for you are:
- Is it common to experience such an aggressive split—where my romantic and aesthetic attraction is 100% for women (even carrying over the same submission/size fetishes into straight porn), but the raw, hardcore urge to be an absolute slut is directed entirely toward men? How do these two sides connect?
- If I decide to bring this fetish into reality just once—like a real-life session focusing on submission with an Alpha—just to get closure and stop this endless cycle of opening tabs and app-chatting, will it help me get it out of my system, or will it just pull me deeper into a lifestyle that contradicts what I want in my everyday life?
Thanks for your time and your help!
Thank you for your complex question! I can sense that you’re really struggling with this!
I want to address the “aggressive split” you’re experiencing head-on, because I think I understand it, You see, I’m 1000% a faggot, but despite being gay my entire life and a faggot since the age of 17, I also dated and had sex with girls from 15-17. I loved being romantic and passionate with them, having them on my arm on double dates and enjoying the perks of a “normal” heterosexual life. I enjoyed backseat fumbling and fingering, the kissing, the tits, etc. Even though I knew it was all a lie, the “romantic and aesthetic attraction” was still pulling me in.
Now, sexually I still had full erections and “performed” (badly) in bed, but I was a teenager. I could’ve fucked a tree at that time. Sex was awkward, embarrassing, and uncomfortable for me. It felt alien to me. It didn’t take much introspection to understand why – I was GAY.
Then Master Roger came along and forced me to realize it went much deeper than homosexuality. I was born a faggot, and there was no going back aftrer that.
I give you that personal experience because I do think that’s what’s going on with you but you’re still in denial/fighting it. If you’re actually straight, then you’re a “beta-sub” male who needs extreme humiliation to feel complete, or you’re a gay faggot who is in denial about it.
I think you’re desiring Alpha dominance because their overwhelming power feeds into your need to be humiliated/feminized. I think this is a the real crux of the issue with you, but I’m unsure if you’re coming at it from the straight beta-sub angle or the faggot-in-denial angle, And that’s something only you can answer through experimentation and honest self-discovery.
But by “experimentation”, I DO NOT mean piddling around on apps and screens. That will not help you. Get on something like TheBlowers.com or Sniffies.com and meet up with a couple of Alphas. Have real experiences with real Alphas (not online Alphas). Enough with the games and lies. It’s time to find out where you really belong!
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