Hello Brothers and Sirs, this is a serious post that I would like to divulge. When I was a young teen, age 14, I was molested by an older man. Basically, I was groomed. I would walk to school and back home passing this guys house in the same street as where I lived. He was friendly and likeable. Absolutely no hint of anything bad. He would be in his front yard and strike a polite chat with me whenever possible. Nothing bad, mainly just niceties and talking about the weather and his garden. It was just like this for a long time, maybe several weeks, when one late afternoon when I was walking home, he stops me for a chat. Invited me in for an Orange Juice and I felt that there was no harm so I went inside his house. As I went in, I saw that he was playing some hardcore gay porn. Plenty of hardcore oral and anal. It was the first time I was exposed to any porn really. He told me to sit on the sofa which I did. I also wanted to watch the porn as I was curious and it just looked hot to me. He sat opposite me on a chair. He brings me a glass of orange juice and sits down. After a short while, he pulls his dick out and starts stroking. He tells me to relax and if I wanted to, I could pull out mine and do the same. I did not do that. From memory though, I was getting curious and aroused. He would ask me questions about what I think about the porn on show. To be honest I can’t remember if I answered. I may have tried to deflect. Multiple questions were asked. One question that rings a bell was that he asked me if I’d like to try. More questions until eventually he said if I’m curious, I could just get on my knees. I didn’t. Eventually he sits next to me, his Dick erect and exposed right next to my arm. He asked me if I’d like to touch it. I said maybe. He grabs my hand and places it on his dick. See, it’s not so bad he said to me. Now try jerking it up and down. I did as he told me. I was jerking him for some minutes. He would encourage me that this is normal. I have nothing to be ashamed about. I should just surrender and let that little boy out just like on the tv. Then he tells me to kneel in front of him and get close and just look at it. I did as I was told. Then he encouraged me to give it a kiss. I kissed it on the tip. He says I’m a good boy. Then he tells me to open my mouth because it’s time I learned to be just like the boys on tv. I open my mouth and stick my tongue out. Before you know it, I had a cock in my mouth at 14. He would instruct me to do it like the boys on tv. So I tried my hardest to mimick what I was watching on his tv. He would encourage me, say I’m a good boy, and that I’m making Daddy very happy. To be fair, I was enjoying it too. Yes it was wrong and I know I was being groomed now, but I really enjoyed it. I wanted more and more. I must have been sucking for quite a while.
Eventually, he pulls his dick out and gets up. He makes me stand up. He said to me it’s time to go to the bedroom and show me how to be a very good boy. Makes me take all my clothes off. He places me on all fours with legs together. Head down ass up in the air. He gives me a pillow to bite on for comfort as what will happen next may hurt a little bit and he told me to not be afraid. I knew what was about to happen. I knew I was about to lose my anal virginity. He said that he will start off slow and that all I need to do is be a good boy. So then he applies generous amounts of lube on my rear and starts to finger me. Then, his dick entered me Slowly. Very slowly. Yes it wasn’t the most comfortable thing. But he slowly works it in all the way and keeps it there. Tells me to breath and get use to the feeling. Slowly he worked his way to a more rigorous action. Then spreads my legs and pounds me till he finished off inside me. He then said to my that I was a very good boy for Daddy and I could come over anytime. Gave me aftercare. Good afterwards, words of encouragement, that what I did was just be myself and is normal.
So that was how I was groomed. The thing is, I kept going back for more and more. I enjoyed sucking him and I enjoyed the anal sex. I kept going back for months. And he would use me. Even honorifics were involved. He was Daddy and he would call me boy. Well I really was a boy. An under aged minor in fact that should not have been used like this. I was a Pedophile victim. I was groomed and violated.
Today, dealing with this trauma, I often wonder if these events moulded me into what I am today as a TPE Gay Bottom Boy. Or was this nature already wited within me? I must have definitely been gay leaning. But did this experience make me more submissive? I’m always looking for explanations about my sexuality and submissive nature. The way I try to rationalise things is that the attraction to men was already wired into me by Mother Nature. Did he bring the sub bottom boy out from within, or did my Sub Bottom nature develop from the trauma as my psychology was rewired creating its own neurons due to the experiences of being dominated by an Authority figure, making me desire this in adulthood?
All I know is today, as an adult, I accept who I am and what I am. I control my desires and interests. I know what I want and need. And I own and affirm myself as a Gay Bottom Submissive. It makes me feel happy, soft and vulnerable.
My brother, thank you for sharing this experience!
First of all, I want to tell you how sorry I am that you went through this. It’s something no child should ever experience. Honestly, I’m mortified at the selfishness of this person who did this. Some might call him an Alpha, but I don’t. He’s a sick person who should’ve gone to prison.
And by the way, I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself or imply that you’re to blame in any way. You were young and doing things that no doubt intrigued you and even excited you, so going back again and again was probably a natural thing.
You raise a great question, one that has confounded me as well. It’s sort of a “chicken and the egg” conundrum: Were you born a faggot, or turned into one because of this experience?
I know that most faggots are born that way. I certainly was, as were most of the faggots I’ve spoken with during my life. It’s all we ever remember, even from our earliest memories. Many faggots would gladly choose something else if they could, so it’s not a choice.
But then there are complex outliers like you who don’t fit neatly into predictable boxes or categories.
I’ve read that many child molesters can tell which children to isolate and groom via some poorly-understood mechanism. Often even the molesters themselves can’t fully explain how. Did the person who molested you sense that you were a gay boy? Did he sense your submissiveness? How can we ever know that? I know Alphas can sense faggots and other subs around them … is that the same thing? These are questions I have that will probably never be answered to my satisfaction, or anyone’s.
I can say this, though: I’m very proud of the way you assimilated your experience and made it part of your history that colors and informs your life today. You sound like a courageous and intelligent person who simply refuses to play a victim. Your assimilation of your trauma reminds me of how I assimilated my rape. Rather than allowing to destroy me, I allowed my intellectual curiosity to work through it and help me understand the deeper meaning of it.
You’re a survivor, and you should be proud of that, my brother! Thank you for sharing your personal journey!
Love,
sam the faggot
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