When I first wrote about the rape that took my anal virginity several years ago, I was nervous about the response I might receive. Aside from a couple of very close friends, I had never really discussed the event at all. I figured I would probably hear from other victims, or perhaps receive messages of condolence or comfort.
But instead I received nothing at all.
At first I was mildly offended; I bared my darkest secret and nobody even cared! My vague disappointment eventually melted into a sort of resignation. After all, it was long ago, and it really doesn’t affect my life much anymore.
But as I thought deeply about the lack of response, the more it made sense to me. Why should anyone console me over an event that is simply part of the natural order of things?
Mind you, I’m not condoning rape in any way. For women, rape is a traumatizing violation of their being that utterly destroys their sense of security and self-worth. It is a despicable and inexcusable crime.
But we rarely talk about male rape. Even when we do, we talk about it in the hushed tones of a secret society. Instinctively, males understand other males. We know about male pecking orders, survival of the fittest, and the struggle for domination that often defines our masculinity. We understand the drive, the impulse, that fuels our lusts. In certain circumstances, we might even be openly honest about our collective understanding, but mostly we acknowledge it with silence and nods.
I bet that some of the Men who read that rape experience – if they’re honest – would admit to some amount of pride in what Kenny did to me that night. They understand it. Kenny was acting violently on his own sexual impulse to dominate me, and so he took what he wanted from me. I suspect there are many Men who, in their darkest and most honest place, fully understand and even approve of Kenny’s actions that night.
Here’s the crazy part: I do, too. Again, it was a traumatizing experience for me. However, I also instinctively know that, as a faggot, Men will use me as they wish. I am lower on the pecking order. I am weak. I am submissive. My role is to serve the needs of Men, and by resisting that natural order, I triggered a fight for dominance that I eventually lost.
Deep down, underneath all of the political correctness, Men understand this truth about each other.
We see this every time another female teacher fucks an underaged boy. By law, that is a rape. Morally, people should be outraged by this shocking crime against a child. Social media goes wild with breathless shock every time it happens.
But Men are never outraged by such a crime, are they? Instead, every Man across the country wants to high-five the kid for getting some pussy off of a teacher. Even while acknowledging the crime, Men in their honest moments take some pride in the act.
Prison sex is another example. Straight Men constantly rape each other in prison, mostly as a show of dominance or
aggression. As males, we intrinsically understand and accept this about
each other, often in unspoken ways. “You gotta do what you gotta do” becomes the curt shorthand for the things Men do in difficult, secret, or desperate times. We may not publicly agree but we rarely judge because we know the needs and pressures of the male spirit within each of us.
On the surface, I don’t think anyone is happy I was raped. However, I think Men understand that the rape reinforced the natural order between Men. As I mentioned in my original experience, the rape helped me accept my true nature as a faggot. The rape helped me embrace what I truly was in comparison to other Men.
Men may not admit this in public, but in the silence of their own masculinity they know it is simply part of the natural order between us. Deep down, the animal within them approves.
