Questions From Readers

Hello Sam!

I’m writing with an issue probably everyone had struggled with at some point, however I feel like for me it’s too much, and I need help.

Thing is, I always feel like am two different people, the horny and the regretful. I seek out men all the time,  and every time I get on my knees I already feel deep shame, so bad it even causes apathy, where I space out while in the act.
I totally disconnect from my body, and focus on the cock. That’s a good thing right?
Except I feel no real sensations during that time. It’s like I’m blocking it all out. I barely moan, squeal and then mechanically cum.
During and after the act I feel terrible. I become numb for a couple hours, sometimes even days.
Yet I always come back crawling for more. I really can’t get enough of cock and cum and spit and piss and pits and musk. It’s always the same. The before is always amazing, I fire up grindr and arrange a meet up, I head there when the time comes and again shows up my numbness.
I am infuriated that I cannot find my own pleasure in serving. Isn’t it that my pleasure is supposed to be derived from the man’s pleasure? I feel a deep sense of purpose within it, I really love men and love cock, so I push through the stupid feelings and still accept the cock and cum with my whole heart, mouth and hole.

But still, I feel like a failure.
While I do recognise the deep interplay of shame and desire, and how much it drives me to wanting more and more cock, I feel like it is excessive.

Dear Sam, what would you advise me to do?

– vitale

Thanks for the question, brother!

Here’s the problem: there isn’t really much you can do about this.

You’re experiencing two things I’ve written about quite a bit on the site. The first is SUBSPACE, which causes that empty, mindless feeling you describe. The second is THE VOID, which is that numbed ache that you describe after you’ve served that eventually drives you back for more. 

These are both quite natural occurrences for a faggot who does experience subspace easily (as it sounds like you do). This many not be a matter of doing anything to avoid it (because I largely think it’s unavoidable) as it is a matter of understanding what is happening within yourself and paying attention to how these feelings effect you. By doing this, you can take yourself out of a “victim” stance and become more active in how you process it. 

I hope this makes some sense to you. Just know that what you’re feeling is normal, brother.  

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