Questions From Readers
I’m reaching out for advice on how to handle conversations about being a fag, especially in contexts where I usually keep my kink life private, like with family.
Context: My boyfriend and I are in a long-term, consensual Dom/sub relationship. As part of our dynamic, I wear a chastity cage almost all the time. While we’re open about our relationship with trusted friends, we generally keep the kinkier details private from family and work.
What happened: We were at my boyfriend’s parents’ place with his family. I accidentally left my chastity cage lying around after cleaning it—my fault entirely. My boyfriend’s brother found it and made some remarks. My boyfriend wanted to address it honestly to prevent teasing, so we talked to his siblings. They were supportive, but their attitude caught me off guard.
Instead of surprise or curiosity, they treated it as completely normal—almost dismissively so. Their reactions were along the lines of “Of course you’re the submissive one,” “It makes sense our brother would lock you up,” and “Glad he finally found someone who consents to it.” It wasn’t malicious, but their absolute self-confidence made me feel uncomfortable. I found myself reacting emotionally, apologizing later, but their responses only reinforced that feeling of being objectified.
What I’m struggling with: How can I discuss my submissive side in these contexts without becoming flustered or reactive? I want to be able to calmly express that I am a faggot, that I serve my Man, our kinks and so on, without feeling like I’m losing control or being pushed into a role I didn’t agree to in that moment.
I’d really appreciate any advice on how to stay composed and communicate clearly in these situations, while staying true to myself and my dynamic with my boyfriend.
Thank you in advance for your support.
Best, Dave
Thank you for writing in, Dave!
This is an interesting dynamic. Firstly, I congratulate you for maintaining such a long-lasting and healthy Alpha/fag relationship! It’s hard to make the transition from role play to long-term embracing of mutual purpose. You and your Master should be proud of yourselves!
I think I understand the real problem here. You don’t want to be objectified or spoken to/of like a thing without any sense of self.
But here’s the problem: you’re a faggot, so in some ways you ARE an object. You need to embrace that reality and actually relish it. For me, talking about being a faggot in everyday situations is full of joy because I’m actually pretty proud to be a faggot.
So what’s bothering you about what happened with the family? Did you want them to be shocked? Disgusted? Disappointed? Bullying? What reaction do you think would’ve been better for you?
Honestly, I think your Master’s family’s reaction is nothing short of revelatory. You should be so grateful to be part of a family that embraces whatever truth you have so openly and warmly. Your Master was brought up to be inclusive and open, and that upbringing (coupled with his Alpha dominance) makes him comfortable in his own skin.
I wish the same for you, brother. As a completely owned and cherished faggot, you should be proud to wear your Master’s cage and represent him and glorify him in all you do. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. Your Master’s family wanted you to feel good about being owned by him, which is why (I think) they had that reaction.
There are soooo many worse reactions that happen every day to faggots everywhere. Be grateful, be thankful, and be proud!
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