Yesterday the boy I rescued from Syria in 2017 got his Australian passport. He’s now officially a citizen, and finally – FINALLY! – free!

We’re coming up on the 10-year anniversary of when he, at 18, first reached out to me on this site when it was just starting. I was just a stranger online. I digitally took his hand … and I never let go.

I couldn’t.

The subsequent journey we took over the last 10 years defies not just “the odds”, but also description. Nights and days of sheer terror and near-death experiences, all punctuated by moments of laughter and triumph.

And love. Beyond everything else, purest love.

Buoyed by hope and rescued by miracles, that boy and I faced a world of nations aligned against us together … and eventually we won!

My boy’s life is now better than either of us ever imagined could be possible. He’s grown confident and trusting, with a great job and unstoppable goals.

But I never imagined what would happen to me. As a faggot, I had no chance to have a child of my own.

Instead, I was given a son to love and protect. I emptied myself completely and devoted all I have to him. Every penny, and every teardrop. I would give more if I could summon it. I think any parent understands what I mean.

That passport represents the culmination of 10 years of impossible dreams coming true because a little lost boy trusted me, and I loved him too much to give up.

In two months I’ll be free from my own exile, but it only means one thing for me: that I’ll be able to hug my son once more and see the world we conquered together!

Finally, at last, together!

I love you, kiddo! Always & Forever! ❤️+❤️

~ Hanny

Yesterday I found myself in an unexpectedly-wonderful DM conversation with an intelligent young King named “Master V” (@damnbros51), a college Alpha who owns his faggot cousin. During this conversation the subject of faggot foot worship came up, and Master V told me he wanted my to write an essay about my own deep love and need to worship the feet of our greatest Men.

This is like a dog owner asking a Labrador retriever if it wants to jump in a lake.

I should’ve known I was a faggot from the age of 10 when I had a crush on an adorable playground leader named George Collins. I remember being fascinated by George’s big feet in his Buster Brown’s. I had vague yearnings to want to touch them, but playtime with him was distracting enough to prevent any such experimentation.

Then in freshman year of high school there was this sexy pre-Alpha named Bob that I crushed on for a couple of years. To be honest, I was more fascinated by Bob’s divine ass and bulge perfectly defined by the gray corduroy jeans than Bob’s feet, but I had this odd desire to kiss his feet in the hallway while he was joking with other football players.

Then came Roger.

I met Roger when I got a job at a shitty Italian restaurant. Roger was my age, but from another high school. It took about 2.3 seconds after I met Roger to completely fall in love with him; he was the most stunning Alpha I’d ever met. A golden tan blessed his slender, muscular frame and delectable six-pack abs. Roger had a face that was a combination of Richard Gere and Morten Harket of the band a-ha. Then Roger spoke to me, and his confidence and brash sexuality completely submitted me.

Roger saw my submissiveness instantly. We became close friends immediately, and Roger definitely defined our days together. I spent a lot of time hanging out alone with Roger at his single mother’s house, where our opposing roles came into sharp relief.

His eventual claiming of me started with his feet. Roger didn’t have huge feet, but they were beautiful to me anyway. They were the feet of an athlete, “muscular” in a way that average feet are not (if you understand what I mean). I naturally took a place at his feet when we were together, and it clearly made a subconscious impression on him. He would put his feet on my face and rub them into my nose, which I loved. He would clip his toenails, and when he wasn’t looking I would steal some of the clippings and eat them. Occasionally Roger would spray a deodorant on his feet, claiming he didn’t want his feet to stink. To that, I replied that his feet never stunk and I would grab his shoes and take a deep huff. Whenever I did that, he would give me a disgusted look and mutter, “nasty faggot!”

That was the first time an Alpha specifically called me a “faggot”, and the cold electric shock of that word was intoxicating.

After Roger became my first Owner when he forced me to become his cocksucker, I would sometimes follow my instinct and kiss his feet to induce him to feed me his cock. It was then that I discovered the link between foot worship and Alpha dominance/aggression. I took lessons in pedicure techniques and foot massage to learn how to improve, because I knew foot worship was a link that I would continue to exploit throughout my fag career.

Two of my greatest straight Masters helped me to perfect my foot worshiping technique. First was Master Aaron. He was probably the most perfect physical specimen I’d ever seen; absolutely jacked, tanned body, with the world’s greatest ass (my apologies to Chris Evans) and thighs/calves as thick and sturdy as tree trunks. Master Aaron, also had a huge heart, and I think he decided to own me in part because he saw me as a lost, wild faggot who needed an Alpha’s guidance.

I spoiled Master Aaron constantly. One of his favorite things was ordering me to draw him a nice hot bath where he would soak in scented oil water while I served him drinks. After his bath, I would specifically soak his feet and then give him a full pedicure while he relaxed on the couch. After the pedicures, I would deeply massage his muscular feet with oil and moisturizers, tenderly kissing them and praising his perfection.

As you might imagine, those sessions always ended up with me swallowing his loads.

A few years later I was owned my Master Chris. He was another physically-perfect Alpha with HUGE hands and HUGE feet to match his HUGE dick. Master Chris looked a lot like a young Jake Gyllenhaal (this was often remarked upon by his female admirers … and me), with the same square jaw and big, expressive eyes.

I fell hard for Master Chris. I consider the times I spent worshiping his feet to be among the most memorable of my life. Master Chris loved my adoration of his hands and feet, and I spent long sessions just kissing them and smelling them. When he said “good faggot” to me during these times, I felt more complete than at any time up to that point.

How can I even begin to describe the wonders of Master Chris’s feet? They were size 13, and wide. They had long toes, but not long in a creepy way like some. Master Chris could easily pick things up with them, and he gave more more than a few bruises by pinching me with them. I imprinted on his feet completely, from the sweet smell to every powerfully-constructed curve. One time Master Chris told me to try and trim his nails with my teeth, but they were too tough to bite through (I didn’t want to ruin them, either). I can still feel the weight of them between my hands! Even after so many years, I know every detail on his incredible feet!

So what is it about Alpha feet that motivates faggots to worship them so intensely?

The primary motivator for faggots is the humiliation factor. Fags live off of humiliation. It induces subspace in us, and that subspace feels like a warm, cozy blanket. Women probably know the feeling, although they’re generally not in-touch with the concept of subspace. But we faggots definitely do!

So it’s only natural that faggots are drawn to foot worship. For whatever reason, feet are considered disgusting. That’s primarily why kissing feet is considered an ultimate act of submission. Foot kissing is a universally-recognized act of honor, respect, and submission in the presence of royalty, for example. Teen Alphas often make faggots and other inferior males kiss their feet without knowing anything about hierarchy (see: Master Lucas).

For me, it goes beyond the feeling of subspace, though. When offering obeisance to an Alpha through foot worship, I feel almost forgiven. In fact, I approach this extraordinary privilege of touching an Alpha’s feet and worshiping them the way a penitent person approaches a superior for forgiveness.

It is such an honor to be allowed to touch an Alpha’s feett, let alone kiss and massage them! After all, those feet are powerful enough to carry the weight of an extraordinary Man. Beneath those feet are the remains of the lands he’s conquered and the enemies he’s vanquished. They are the foundation of his rulership! Faggots should be grateful to kiss the dirt upon which those feet have trod, let alone worship them directly!

As a faggot who has spent most of my fag career worshiping Alpha feet, I can say that few acts more fully define the Alpha/fag dynamic. It’s largely a non-sexual act in and of itself, yet it stirs great passion in most Alphas. It gives Alphas power, and reaffirms their rightful place above all other males.

So what I’m saying, in essence, is that worshiping an Alpha’s feet is a holy sacrament, a godly duty. I take it very seriously, and in order to get the most out of our commission as faggots, I recommend that all faggots approach that privilege the same way!

hey sam!

i had a question about friendship, i saw one time that you said you have straight Male friends who know that youre a faggot, and i’m curious how They feel about it. Is it a topic you talk about with Them, does it go unspoken? And do you have any advice on how a faggot can find straight friends?

Thank you for the great question!

Anybody who has listened to the Hierarchy Podcast and heard me speak knows how I am about being a faggot. I’m neither shy nor ashamed of the fact that I’m a faggot. In fact, I’m proud of it. Because of my faghood, I understand the true meaning of Alphahood and have the undeniable privilege of serving our greatest of Men!

Virtually all of my straight friends know of my faggot status. Most of them find it amusing (they especially love the fact that they can use the word “faggot” around me because they love the word and think it’s hilarious (I agree!). Some of them have asked me pointed questions about why I consider myself to be a faggot, which of course leads into a reasoned discussion of hierarchy. After that, they seem to understand and accept what I am.

I realize I’m the exception, though. I’m a pretty fearless communicator and I have a sharp-enough wit to handle myself. I understand that most people can’t go that far with it.

But I look at it this way: my pride and fearlessness has put me into a mentor faggot role, and I’m leading a movement to strengthen my fellow faggots. I want to be strong for my brothers and help them become strong, too!

Have a question? CLICK HERE to ask!

A gay kid named Austin posted this story about his first gay crush in fourth grade.

I had a very similar experience with a boy named George Collins in fifth grade. George was an adorable kid with a tangled mop of dark hair, big, round brown eyes, and a winning smile. He was double-jointed, and he used to disgust kids on the playground by being able to lock his hands and swing his arms from the front of his body, over his head to his back in one unbroken motion.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.

I followed him everywhere. We were both athletic (I was the second or third fastest kid at my elementary school), so we always played together. Interestingly, I don’t recall a single conversation we ever had, but I have vivid memories of watching his feet kicking the tiny pebbles on the playground.

After sixth grade George disappeared. I have no idea whatever happened to him, even though I think about him occasionally even today.

So don’t tell me homosexuality is a choice. Right or wrong, we were born this way.

Hi sam,

During your lifetime of service, how much variance have you encountered in alpha scent? I’ve only served 2 straight alphas, and the first had a scent that was like heroin. It was a rich, deep fragrance that punched you in the face. My current alpha smells incredible, but it’s a much cleaner, lighter fragrance. It’s like something that runs in the background and slowly pulls you in and gets you drunk.

Are these differences normal? Are they just random biological quirks, or have you found that certain scents correlate with certain personality traits or levels in hierarchy? Tell me everything.

Thank you so much for this question!

Alpha scents is one of my very favorite topics, and it’s something I’ve delved into deeply and with much gusto. The reason why I’m so fascinated by Alpha pheromones is because I’ve been hypnotized by them most of my life!

There are certainly some variables affecting Alpha pheromones. Health, age, and diet are three obvious ones. But all things being equal, every Alpha has a unique pheromone “signature” that is a natural aphrodisiac to submissives (who have the receptors for those pheromones) like female and faggots. Science seems remarkably confused and splintered over the importance of Alpha pheromones, yet in my studies I’ve found plenty of information strongly indicating that these pheromones have tremendous power over these subs.

Just like you, I noticed very distinct differences between the Alphas I’ve served. For instance, black Alphas have an earthier, bitter (in a good way) scent. The Masters who owned me each had their own distinct scents; Master Aaron’s was the sweetest, a clean, almost fruity smell, while Master Chris had a sweet scent, but sharper and piercing. Master Steve (who was a bit older) was gym-like, but warm like good cigar smoke.

Each and every one imprinted on me. When I smell pheromones in a group of Men, I’m constantly flashing back to my former Owners. It’s almost tormenting. These Alphas are gone from my life, yet they still own me in a sadly hollow way.

But I wouldn’t change a thing, except one: to sniff their armpits just one more time!

Thanks for indulging me these memories!

Have a question? CLICK HERE to ask!

This post is part of a thread following a faggot named Giovanni who is owned by Master Lorenzo. CLICK HERE to read all of these posts in chronological order!

The firestorm I inadvertently ignited when I responded to Master Jose’s frustrated question about Master Lorenzo’s desire to give him a facial (CLICK HERE for that) resulted in quite a few opinions from very powerful Alphas, superior Men I deeply admire.

But nobody will ever be closer to my heart than Master Lorenzo and his beautiful faggot Giovanni.

I’ve been so blessed to even know a God Alpha so undeniably powerful that it almost seems like time and space bend around his will. He has changed lives, rescuing people from uncertain futures and giving them purpose in his long, protective shadow. There’s simply nobody like him.

I reacted to Master Jose’s letter to me in such a pointed fashion because I became protective of Master Jose, who sounded hurt and confused over Master Lorenzo’s suggestion. I had put my heart into helping Master Jose embrace his very real Alphahood, so I thought Master Lorenzo was threatening that.

I’m still unnerved by the conversation, but I must admit that Master Lorenzo’s beloved faggot Giovanni’s impassioned plea in defense of his Master really broke my heart. Here’s what he wrote:

omg brother Sam!!! I spent a few days serving Lorenzo and not checking the website here and out of a sudden everybody is talking about his desire to cum on Jose’s face!! Even a podcast episode about that! omg, I wasn’t expecting this

You know how much I love you, brother Sam!! But what happened with you this time to talk these things about our King?? 🙁

The way you are talking about it sounds like Lorenzo is forcing something and he would never do that, brother Sam!!! He is such a perfect King, he just said that he wants to give Jose a facial and that’s true, but even in Jose’s message he said that it was not forced!! Lorenzo just wanted to see his reaction and, to be honest, I don’t see any problems on just saying this on the phone. Jose has seen all the reactions about this whole thing here but I talked to him this morning and he hasn’t made his mind yet. So let’s see… at the end of the day, it’s a decision between two powerful and gorgeous Alphas. But please my beloved brother, do not thing that Lorenzo would force anything into anyone. He loves me, Rafa, Mario, and his brother Jose!! And we are veeeery happy together!

When Jose was still trying to understand if he was an Alpha or not, my King Lorenzo let him fuck me and Rafael! He bred us many times and literally learned how to fuck on my pussy!! Thanks to Lorenzo! So do you really think that Lorenzo doesn’t want to get closer to his wonderful brother? I don’t know what happens in the mind of a God Alpha, but I trust Lorenzo my life and I am sure that he just wants to see Jose happy. Maybe Jose gave you the wrong impression but I think you are much more offended than him, brother Sam! Jose is just in doubt and trying to decide what to do.

I really hope that your reaction doesn’t mean that you don’t like us anymore 🙁 I really love you and I love all these years that we have been together here, brother <3 <3 <3 <3 and all of us like you!! Including Master Lorenzo!! I don’t know if he’s mad at you, we haven’t talked about that yet, but I will tell you what happened once Jose decides.

Let me say up front: NOTHING will EVER change my feelings for either Master Lorenzo or Giovanni. EVER EVER EVER. They are as dear to me as my own heartbeat. Cutting them out of my life would be like carving off an arm or gouging out an eye. They both have my undying love, respect, and admiration.

I think that’s why I reacted so badly to Master Jose’s plea. I felt let down by what I considered to be selfishness and poor judgement by Master Lorenzo against an Alpha brother. Master Jose sounded so alarmed and hurt that I couldn’t stop myself from being horrified.

But Giovanni points to the correct path: Trust in Master Lorenzo and submission to his unquestioned leadership is supposed to be my place and the example I leave here.

So I failed that.

I’m so sorry if I hurt my beloved Master Lorenzo, or frightened my dear little Giovanni. It was wrong to overreact, and wrong to allow my feelings to to overwhelm my good sense.

I thank my brother Giovanni for teaching me a lesson with love and defending his Master in such admirable style. Yes, mentor faggots can still learn even after decades of service, but only if they have humility!

So hopefully I’m not lost!

I love you, Gio!

Always,

sam the faggot

Despite the rough-and-tumble nature of this unwieldly online enterprise I’ve built here, I honestly do mean for it to be a safe space to explore hierarchical truth and engage with it in a meaningful way. I honestly wish I could much more, but I simply don’t have the time.

In the beginning, I primarily built this little educational/porn portal for faggots. I knew I what I lacked in terms of mentorship when I was a young faggot, so I wanted to be able to help lonely and lost faggots find peace and direction and, most of all, purpose. I didn’t want other faggots to be afraid the way I was often afraid, ashamed the way I used to be ashamed.

While I think I’ve done some good in that department (despite the lies and the hate that comes my way), it’s easy to feel like I’m howling into an empty void.

And then a beautiful letter like the following from a brother named Alec lifts me back up and helps me move forward! He wrote:

Hi Sam!

I hope Sam is correct maybe I should say faggot Sam or sam the faggot. Anywho I hope you are doing well.

My name’s Alec, another proud faggot reaching out to say hi 

I’d been struggling pretty hard with being submissive. With my desires, with what really excites me, and with trying to stop fighting who I am. You know… the stuff I hear, smell, taste, and see with my eyes closed while jerking off to what I want and need. It was becoming clear it wasn’t going away, and that I was getting in my own way of being confident in myself and a few other things. So I did what any newly 18yr old does when he suddenly has the freedom on the internet, I creating a porn account on Bluesky and started watching porn jerking off even more.

I originally stumbled across your Bluesky about nine months ago, which led me to hierarchyuniversity.com. That happened right around the time I started trying to really learn, accept, and embrace my submissiveness. Between chatting with a few guys on Bluesky, reading some books (with many more still to go), and spending lots of time on your website, something finally started to click for me. I didn’t feel so alone with my want and needs.

Your writing helped more than I can really put into words. It’s helped me feel calmer, more grounded, and more accepting of myself. I’m finally getting to a place where I can say I’m a faggot proudly, admittedly even if that’s still mostly behind closed doors while guys use me. I’m even wearing a chastity cage almost full time now, only taking it off to go to the gym to work out, swim, shower, and shave everyday.

So I guess the main reason I’m writing is just to say thank you. Truly. Your work has made a real difference for me, and I appreciate you sharing not just your own thoughts and experiences, but those of so many others, so openly.

PS: If you don’t mind maybe i can write you again? With a couple questions or thoughts i like to get your opinion on? I know you are busy so i understand if you need to focus on everything else you are doing.

Hope life is treating you well,
Alec

This letter is like water in the desert.

I am on year 11 of this site, and in that time I’ve written encyclopedias on the subject of hierarchy. I’ve written until my fingers practically bled, sacrificed countless hours in vain pursuits of accuracy and clarity on this subject. But nobody really knows all of that, the mammoth amount of work and emotional investment involved in this creation.

My real reward are moments like this, when I discover in one way or another that I’ve improved a life. Even just one life is enough.

So you can imagine what Alec’s sweet words mean to me.

They’re everything.

Thank you, Alec, for your example of kindness!

Love Always,

sam the faggot

This site is unique among almost all others because of something I started doing from the very beginning of FagsWorshipAlphas.com (the predecessor of this site), namely, my in-depth interviews and thread coverage of developing stories. It arose from the “Ask A Question” feature on Tumblr and my liberal publishing of my email address. In those early days it was a literal deluge of questions and stories I accepted as true.

Admittedly, some of those early stories strained credulity. I rejected some outright, while others I took way too much time interviewing other people involved in order to corroborate what I was being told before publishing them. Nobody outside of me knows the lengths I went to in order to get verification on these stories, but I’ll tell you I had some very long nights of email-threaded conversations before I ever hit “SEND” on a post.

And even with all of that exhaustive effort, I STILL had people accusing me of being a liar or a writer of fiction or a purveyor of dark, twisted behaviors. It was most hilariously off-base during the two years I covered the three straight Alphas in Toronto who owned seven faggots. I was called a liar more times than I can recall, even while I was engaged with separate conversations with all of the Alphas and all seven faggots! Can you even imagine doing THAT much work??

Then came the truly incredible story of straight Master Dino and his wealthy fagwife Jamie, his virile Alpha sons, and the household of other Alphas and rooms full of faggots. I’ll admit myself that the story seemed too insane to be true, but I have been talking to almost EVERY adult in that crowded household for FIVE YEARS now. I challenge anyone to handle that massive avalanche of emails whenever there is a development in The Family. Even after all of that work on my part, I’m still called a liar by some.

However, those accusers are 100% wrong.

In addition to my work chronicling these true stories of hierarchy, I’ve also been a pioneer in assisting parents who are dealing with minor sons who are either Alpha or faggot. This has been controversial, naturally, but I don’t do anything without the parent (who is always the one contacting me). Why do I do it? Because I’m a researcher, and this site is my laboratory where I daily prove one of the most fundamental truths of human life: HIERARCHY. To that end, I’m proving that these roles are something inborn in each of us. But ultimately, I’m helping these parents and their kids grow closer together and be comforted by accepting the truth about what’s happening.

Admittedly, I have less ability to verify those stories because I generally don’t talk to the sons. However, I also work under the assumption that the parents contacting me aren’t purposely wasting a bunch of time concocting creepy stories about their kids just to fool me.

Is that possible? Of course. But those kinds of stories seem implausible to be the work of fakery, especially when they’re so willing to engage in multiple emails to discuss the details.

I’m saying all of this because I had people on the Hierarchy University Discord accusing me of publishing false stories, namely, the ongoing thread about Sophie and her Alpha son Master Lucas. Sophie originally wrote to me after doing a search about the behaviors she noticed in her 15-year-old son. She wanted advice. Then she put me in touch with Master Lucas, and I was privileged to help him, too.

Again, I don’t know why anyone would spend months maintaining a lie, and I felt like they both sounded credible. But doubters in the age of Trump believe nothing, and this story has joined the others as ones dismissed as fake.

So I contacted Sophie to ask her if she’d be willing to briefly talk to me over the phone to verify her identity. She wrote this in reply:

Dear servant sam,

Thank you for your answer and your write-up. I always appreciate your celebration of my son’s superiority. For the picture you attached, my Lucas is still leaner than that (and with a cuter face… but I’m not objective!) but he is really becoming hunky. I must add that “making love” was the terminology he used with me… but he was probably protecting his mother’s sensibility!

I’m very sorry that you are being troubled because of your sharing of our conversations. I admit that I really prefer not going beyond our email exchanges and I’m grateful for your understanding. I don’t want you to feel bad or to be harassed because of all this and I would of course understand if you prefer to no longer publish Lucas’ story.

I thank you for your kindness and your respect towards us,

Kind regards

Sophie

So she refused my request, but her reply (like her other letters) strike me as genuine.

But let me once again reiterate my position on this issue. I have NEVER knowingly published fiction on this site that wasn’t labeled as such. I spend a lot of time doing as much legwork as possible to get the story accurate and honest. When my research eventually uncovers a phony, I have removed the thread and printed a retraction. That is my commitment to the truth.

I stand behind the story of Sophie and Master Lucas.

Anyone who disagrees can simply walk away from the site, the Discord, the podcast, and me. But I will not be accused by people who can’t even comprehend the massive amount of dedication I’ve put into getting this right.

Always,

sam the faggot

This is exactly how to swallow a stream of piss an Alpha.

When I was in prison I did this demonstration with a squirt bottle of vodka. The Alphas watching it were astounded.

When they asked how I learned it, I said, “you don’t want to know.” They understood.

Prison respect!

I wish I’d seen this earlier so I could’ve shared it with you on Thanksgiving!

I feel all kinds of melancholia around this time of year because it’s been eight years since I held Baby Boy in my arms.

I’m sure many of you have someone you long for.

Keep fighting for it!

~ sam the faggot ❤️

I’ve talked about something I’ve called the Hierarchical “third eye”, referring to the heightened sense hierarchically-enlightened ones use to see “through” people and find their true needs and intentions. Alphas are naturally born with this eyesight, although most don’t really understand it or know how to use it. Regardless, with this sight Alphas can sense submissives around them and read their inner reactions through eye contact and body language.

It’s an eyesight faggots can also acquire if they study it enough. I developed it long ago when I met my first true Master, Chris. He sensed I was a faggot when we first met, and I began to notice certain cues in the way he approached me and spoke to me that led me to see his wants. So we began the “hierarchical dance” that eventually led him to claim me and breed me.

But from that point on I watched carefully and tested this new skill (at the same time I was starting to formulate theories that eventually became this site), and my ability to predict Alpha behavior was pretty astounding. Soon I was seeing hierarchical patterns everywhere, from the workplace to media to bars/clubs. It was quite clear that there was an invisible magnetic force governing our actions in relation to one another, as well as the purpose and direction of our entire lives.

So now it’s been ten years of teaching hierarchy here, and I know there are plenty of longtime readers who have learned to develop their own hierarchical “third eye” as well. One such faggot on the Hierarchy University Discord wrote this telling personal experience along those lines:

Witnessed a younger coworker i never would have considered an Alpha be served by a clear sub from the HR department today. And then realized it was about the 9th or 10th time for that sort of behavior. It was eye-opening. The sub continually brings this kid food, snacks, sandwiches, etc. Just to this one kid. Walks past an entire office full of people to bring one kid stuff, completely unasked for. I don’t think the kid even realizes what is going on, but since i am aware of the hierarchy, it is plain as day to me. Fascinating to watch.

These kinds of hierarchical associations really do become “as plain as day” to those who, like this faggot, have their antennae tuned into the invisible hierarchical frequencies vibrating between us all.

How do you develop this “third eye”? Start with your close friends, and watch how they interact with others. Make a determination about their hierarchical status, and then see how they react with those who are higher and lower hierarchically. Eventually, everyone falls into their respective places.

Regardless, just knowing the truth gives you a tremendous advantage over unaware people. Use it wisely, and help others see the truth as well! The more people who know, the better it will be for everyone!

I think most faggots have a story about being bullied. My first real bully in junior high and early high school was this really sadistic kid named Matt who hit me in the head almost every day for two years, used me for my homework, etc. Standard stuff.

Then around age 16 I met my first Alpha, a sexy rebel named Roger who bullied me for most of one year. He called me “faggot” constantly, wrestled me into submission holds, and degraded me in front of others for being puny.

And then one night in his mother’s basement he decided to push me to my knees and throat fuck me, and my life changed forever.

It took many years of serving straight Alphas (and occasionally being bullied by them) to really appreciate the Hierarchical purpose of bullying. While being bullied can be quite upsetting or even traumatic, it’s important to understand its function and importance among Men. It’s really summed up well in that meme I posted above.

But what is it teaching?

I had posted that meme on my social media, and one faggot brother was triggered enough by it to write about his own experiences with it.

Hey Sam, what’s up? I’ve been very busy lately, I can barely check Twitter these past few weeks, but that post of yours with a picture saying “it’s not bullying… It’s teaching” resonated SO HARD on me that I felt like I needed to find some spare time to write you this.

Looking back at our times at school makes us realize that statement is SO TRUE and, I don’t know about you, but I wish I had seen it this way back then. It would had save me a lot of turmoils in my head and made feel way less embarrassed by the things my bullies used to make me do.

I was a teenager, had just moved to a private school (I used to study in public schools up until then) and it was a very different crowd. You’d think that I’d face a harsher environment at a public school, but it was actually pretty chill, no crazy stuff, everyone getting along well… But at this private school it was a whole complete different scenario. I don’t know what it was: wealthier kids, different types of families they were in or that there was a bigger age gap among the students of my class – 2 to 3 years of difference is a huge thing when we’re at school.

But there were these two boys who were, I think, 2 years older than me. Mostly all of the boys in my class were very cocky, but these two were another level! I’ll never forget their names: Thiago and Douglas. I still remember their last names, actually. They were the leaders of the class, very attractive guys – Thiago was blonde and tall, Douglas was shorter and brunette but a bit bulkier than Thiago, who was more lean – the girls would fight for them and they would get whatever they wanted… And were pretty blunt about it. They were also very sexualized, so to speak. I bet they had already had sex, and I don’t know if it was a mix of their cockiness with the teenage hormones, but they would do crazy things like show their bulges in class, get up on the desk when a teacher wasn’t looking at us and put their pants down or call the attention to someone during class just to see the tent their boners made in their pants. They literally didn’t give a fuck. Yeah, they would get caught sometimes, but it never stopped them from doing those things.

I didn’t know I was a fag then. I didn’t know I was gay. I actually didn’t even know what “gay” was (I’m talking about early 2000’s, very little access to internet and porn just from magazines and old VHS tapes from my older straight brother). I realized I was different from them when I would jerk off and instead of thinking of me fucking a girl, it was Thiago or Douglas banging a girl. And then I’d think of them way more in those scenarios in my head to the point the girl in my fantasies would become just a small detail. I think that’s when I started to show more how I was sort of mesmerized by them and they eventually picked it up. All those playful displays of manhood they did started to get more and more targeted at me and they would laugh at my awkward responses.

The locker room after PE was TORTURE to me. I always tried to be the last one to get in there to change, and I remember one day I got to the locker room, took off my gym clothes, put them on a bench so I could change… but couldn’t find my uniform anywhere. There weren’t any actual lockers there, just cubby-holes where we would keep our regular uniforms. Thiago came out of a booth and took my gym clothes from the bench and ran out the locker room, leaving me there alone in my underwear. 10 minutes away from another class to start their PE class. I must have freaked out for a minute – that felt like an hour – when Douglas came in with my uniform in a bag asking if I had missed something. I asked for my clothes and he said he would only give them back to me if I did 20 jumping jacks – remember, I was in my underwear, and I’ve always been fat. I tried to negotiate but he was firm on his request and started walking out of the locker room with my clothes saying “the guys from the other class are gonna love finding you here like this, it’s up to you” and I said ok. I started doing the jumping jacks but he interrupted me and said that since I didn’t obey him at first I would have to chant “Douglas is my king” on every jumping jack. And so I did. And he laughed his ass off. He eventually gave me my uniform back and left the locker room saying “Thiago is gonna give back your gym clothes at dismissal… He’s gonna love hearing about this!”

Sam, that’s the day I became the official target of those two bullies. They never used me sexually all the way… It was mostly hand jobs (sometimes during class as I would write THEIR notes on THEIR notebooks with the other hand before I could do my notes – they would cover up all the action with a coat, a backpack or something on their laps) and occasional blowjobs here and there. I was so ashamed, Sam. But deep down I was enjoying all of this, I was just… Lost. It was embarrassing, but also good; it made me feel scared they would tell other guys (which they did) and I’d get a bad reputation (which I didn’t) so I’d do whatever demeaning thing they tell me… but I was also kinda liking that.

In retrospect it was some sort of training what they did to me. And that’s why that statement from that post is SO TRUE. If only I could talk to my younger self and say “don’t worry, don’t feel bad about it. They know what they’re doing. Just embrace it and you’ll be thankful later”… I still think about them from time to time. All the things that could had happened but didn’t because I was afraid/scared back then. But now I’m actually thankful for what they did. I wish I could thank them now for how they treated me at school.

This brother’s story is eloquently told and so full of heartache and longing, isn’t it?

He isolates the important aspect of bullying: it is used in not-so-subtle ways to establish Hierarchical order. Through bullying the Alpha boys quickly isolate the weaker and the submissive males, but that’s not enough. The bullying REINFORCES the status of these inferiors, so those bullied ones never question their place ever again.

As this brother confesses, the bullying not only works, but it also has deeper effects on those faggots who are bullied. Much like rape, bullied faggots develop a Stockholm Syndrome-like attachment to their bullies. I know I have that with Matt; I’d love to see him at a reunion and thank him for preparing me for a life of service to Men. Our brother feels the same about his bullies.

Like my position on rape, I’m not condoning bullying. Still, bullying is an essential tool that defines males at every level of Hierarchy. Armed with that understanding, we can move beyond any of our suffering and appreciate what it taught us about our own truth!

As a way to come to grips with my bully, I fished out one of my yearbooks and looked up Matt from eighth grade. Here he is:

I mean, he even looks like a bully!

Hi Sam. I hope all is well. Long-time fan of your work, we’re talking since the early days of FWA on Tumblr! I was generally following you on Twitter the last year or so, but after a bit of a Twitter detox I was very disappointed to come back and see your page has gone. What happened?

As usual, I was cancelled because my message is too incendiary and rattles too many cages. I’m also getting cancelled for my prolific and unrepentant use of the word “faggot” (which I do try to alter to disguise it, but still). The “LINKS” page on this site is up-to-date on everywhere I can be found on social media at the moment. 

Thank you for sticking with me for so long! 

Have a question? CLICK HERE to ask!

It can be a lonely and sometimes dispiriting thing to crank out the sheer volume of content I do, advising people behind the scenes, and generally trying to be everywhere all at once while pushing the truth about Hierarchy as hard as I can into the mainstream. I’m just one faggot, after all!

Added to that are the constant setbacks. I’ve had the winds taken out of my sails again recently with the loss of two big X accounts, accounts that many Masters were using to train their faggots. I take all of that very seriously – it’s an important responsibility – so I’d be lying if those setbacks don’t make me just want to close up shop and move on. I’ve made a contribution to the truth, did my best to carry myself with some amount of integrity, and I’m proud of my work and the relationships I’ve gained.

Of all the arms of Hierarchy University, the Hierarchy Podcast has been something I’ve really poured my heart into. It takes a lot of work to record, edit, and package it for distribution around the world. And, like most other ventures here, it’s a lonely pursuit. I never know if anybody is really hearing me, even though I’ve had plenty of evidence that the podcast is making a difference. Maybe I just get down on myself sometimes.

But occasionally someone sends me a letter so heartfelt and uplifting that I want to rise up and hug the whole world. A faggot brother sent me the following letter in my Questions From Readers Inbox, and I wanted to share it in a special post.

Here’s what he wrote:

Brother, your latest podcast, “Accept Your Truth”, was simply amazing. So many faggots go down the path of misery, and spend years, or even a whole lifetime, suffering, because they cannot let go of the guilt, fear, and shame they believe go along with the acts of a faggot. So many faggots can’t fathom having a happy, fulfilling life. And it’s no wonder. We are a type of separate sex ENTIRELY that is never talked about except in our own circles, or by the Men that use us. A faggot goes through his own “sexual” development just like any other human, but there is no one to sit and hold our hand and explain these crazy feelings we constantly have.

I was a basket case for years, especially when it came to sex. I knew I was different than the person everyone around me was telling me I had to be. I LOVE the way you put it, yes I lived with it my whole life, yes, it was “the white noise of my life…” I just couldn’t put it all together until, like you, I had a real Man, a Man who understood faggots, show me what I am. For me, it wasn’t bad news, it set me free. I embraced it and let myself be a “faggot for Men” and my life has been so wonderful for years and years. Not only sex, but my PLACE in the world makes so much sense. The way I interact with other Men makes so much sense. The worthless appendage between my legs makes sense!

Your words “It’s not the act itself that defines whether or not you’re a faggot, it’s what you are inside, already…You were born a faggot. You have these feelings and yearnings because you are a faggot“…Sam, that hit me in the gut SO hard. It’s such a simple truth that we miss seeing even as it is slapping us in our collective faces.

Thank you for being brave about being a faggot and using the word faggot. Thank you for giving faggots a place to go and get advice and help gain understanding. Thank you for giving us a place to be ourselves. I’ve long said only a faggot TRULY understands another faggot. Alpha Men should never be burdened with understanding a faggot, only identifying us in order to use us. I really hope your site becomes a beacon for faggots who need support from other faggots.

As you said, an Alpha Man helped you on your path to understanding being a faggot. One did for me as well. Somewhere right now a faggot is gaining understanding of what he is because a Man is selfishly (and rightfully) using him. These Men, through using us, held up a mirror and said “This is what you are and have always been, and the things I’m doing to you are what you are made for. You exist for My use. THIS is what your life can be. Embrace these facts and live a happy, fulfilled, HONEST life. Ignore them and suffer in confusion trying to be something you’re not…a real Man.”

This was the best podcast I’ve ever heard. I truly hope a lot of lost faggots find their way because of it…or at least find ENOUGH courage to be with that Man who can hold the mirror up to them and show them a glimpse of what life CAN be.

Lastly, when you say you love your brothers at the end of podcasts…I truly believe it. Something in your voice is so earnest and sweet! We love you too!

I cannot tell you how it felt to hear these words! It was literally like a man dying of thirst who receives even a little bit of water!

Funnily enough, I was disappointed by that episode of the show, and it gnawed at me for days afterward. I kept thinking of ways I should’ve phrased points, or points I felt were left unclear. You have no idea how much I obsess over getting every detail right. Insecurity plagues me like that sometimes.

But letters like this are very special to me because the podcast in particular is my heartfelt conversation directly with each listener. When I know I’ve connected with another person in this way, it really lifts me up!

My brother J, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me this kind note. I’m so glad the episode resonated with you, even though you are already living your truth! It makes me proud to be able to serve Alphas shoulder-to-shoulder with you!

And yes, I do love you. It’s not an act. I love all of those who’ve come to me, trusted me, supported me, and loved me. Thank you for your love and support, and for your beautiful letter that came just at the right time!

Always,

sam the faggot

I was born in 1978, so my entire conscious life as a homosexual and a faggot has been lived under the spectre of HIV and AIDS. It’s hard to explain to younger people what that has been like. Yes, technically they have had to deal with that as well, but to them HIV is a chronic and manageable illness thanks to the incredible medicines introduced in 1996.

But it was an absolute death sentence before 1996.

Back then, death came at diagnosis. The ostracism of terrified healthy people with their hatred and judgements made life almost unlivable before the disease actually took them. Then came the wave of opportunistic diseases as their immune systems collapsed, frightening and sometimes disfiguring conditions with terrifying names like toxoplasmosis, Kaposi’s sarcoma, Back then, death came at diagnosis; the ostracism of terrified healthy people with their hatred and judgements made life almost unlivable before the disease actually took them. Then came the wave of opportunistic diseases as their immune systems collapsed, frightening and sometimes disfiguring conditions with terrifying names like toxoplasmosis, Kaposi’s sarcoma, candidiasis, or Pneumocystis pneumonia that would ravage their bodies without relief.

The death of my gay friend Stephen in 1995 from AIDS spurred me to learn much more about the disease than any other HIV- person I knew. For a time I was actively part of a group of famous people known as “AIDS dissidents” who questioned the idea that HIV directly caused AIDS. Of course, my propensity for research-based conclusions eventually led me to fight with these people; In the late nineties I had a vicious back-and-forth with famed writer Celia Farber and her intractable views that science and evidence continually disproved until she finally cut me off. Yeah, I’ve always been a firebrand.

The shadow of HIV/AIDS is a long, cold one that has suffocated at least one entire generation – mine. Yet from that shadow rise voices and examples of those who went to their death struggling to cobble together some amount of dignity as their bodies failed. They wink at us like fireflies in the descending dusk. I thought about them when I was fighting for my life through cancer in 2018, and again though a blood infection of staph in 2020.

Why am I still here, and they are gone?

I feel like a soldier that took the beach in Normandy, only to look around at my friends all blown to pieces or missing limbs and strewn across the bloody sand like refuse. There is gratitude, of course, but also a vacuous void inside me. It’s a hollow victory.

I recently watched a documentary on Pedro Zamora, the beautiful gay boy featured on Season 3 of MTV’s revolutionary “reality” series The Real World in 1994. This particular season was as real as it gets, because Pedro was HIV+ and proudly advocating for knowledge and understanding. I watched that season, and Pedro made an impact on me. To see that bright, adorable young man so bravely stand up for himself during the show, only to fall terribly ill and die a few months later, was impossible to ignore. The memory of that last picture of him, crippled and nearly comatose just a day before his death, still haunts me.

And that’s the perfect word: haunted. My generation of gays is haunted by all of the hollow eyes and piercing cries of those lost to this discriminatory plague. And no matter how long I live here, I will never not hear them or see them.

Which is why I dearly love what Madonna did on her most recent tour. She took her classic “Live To Tell” and used it as a way to pay homage to all of the artists who died of AIDS around her over the course of her long career. The song was not originally about AIDS deaths, but it becomes the only anthem for people like me and Madonna and any others who survived the horror of it all.

hi sam,

i’ve followed your podcast for a few years now. it took me about that long to recognize how earnestly you were sharing the truth. really, it took meeting my Master, the first true and developed Alpha in my life, to understand how real and sacred Hierarchy is.

i recognize you have your own life, probably busy with the content you create and the Alphas you serve. however, if you’re interested in chatting with and perhaps mentoring a fellow faggot brother who is deeply committed to the same path as you, id love to connect. if not, best wishes and thanks for being brave enough to stand up and broadcast this unpopular truth to the world.

-stefan

Thanks for the question, brother! 

Of course we can talk! I have a million ways to get in touch with me all listed on the links page of this site. Pick one and reach out! 

Have a question? CLICK HERE to ask!

The following is part of a thread following the development of a straight Alpha named Cal after he discovered Hierarchical Truth on this site and with the help of Master Chad and God Dino! CLICK HERE to read these posts in chronological order!

In the wild history of this site, there’s never been anything like the rise of Master Cal. He reached out to me as an everyday straight Alpha trapped in a loveless marriage after reading what I was writing about Hierarchy. After mentoring him a little bit, I put him in touch with Master Chad, son of God Alpha Dino. Master Cal immediately made a beeline for their family mansion in the mountains, and discovered the wonders of faggot worship for the very first time. His eyes were opened, and he never went back to his past life.

That was four years ago. In that time Master Cal has ascended to heights rivaled only by his Alpha brothers there at The Mansion. He has spent his days and nights fucking and breeding pussy both female and faggot, rabble-rousing with fellow hellion Master Chad, and embracing the ultimate life promised to all God Alphas by the majestic mechanisms of Hierarchy.

Needless to say that His exposure to his Alpha brothers Masters Chad and Dean had a powerful effect, but it was the life-changing intensity and vision of God Dino and his fag-wife Jamie that really trained Master Cal and sculpted him into the reality-bending powerhouse he is today.

All of that happened because a silly faggot with training and experience decided to dedicate itself to teaching others the truth on a website it made (that’s me, BTW)! Crazy!

Master Cal gave me a updates over several days. Some of it I cannot share here, but here’s what I can:

Interesting that, at least to My ass, you’re still a “boy”. Fags are girls to Us Guys but you rank a little higher with Me. Maybe because you were the first hole to aid in My ascension. I don’t know but I do know you’ll always be My fag boy and if the opportunity ever comes, I’ll fuck you bloody in appreciation. Sounds good, doesn’t fag boy? lmao 

It’s all good here. Word was you were doing a podcast concerning Me but what got put up last wasn’t it. Still going to do it fag boy? I got My ego puffed like a cock by a porn fluffer then got fucking disappointment instead.

I guess Chad and Pop will be back soon. We sure have kept the rainbow busy. Dean’s got to let them rest a day or two before They are back so the fags can be prepared for the onslaught of rutting. Us Guys have really given the whores a workout! I don’t believe My cock has been this sore since My first days here. Goddamn little bunny! she is on fire for Tank and everyone else not sleeping or cumming in something else. I tell you fag boy, that little giggling slut will yell when You mount her like You’ve killed her but then she’ll wrap her little legs behind her head. That slams her pussy down on Your cock making everything super fucking tight. A Dude can barely get a good thrust going before she’s cumming like a cunt and milking His cock and in total ecstasy. Some Alphas don’t but I like seeing the effect My Power has on a lesser thing. It’s hot as fuck and leaves Me energized and more than ready to rape any goddamned hole I choose.

I’m gone fag boy. It’s lunch time. Since it’s Saturday and Pop is gone, Dean allows the rainbow to forego cooking lunch. Instead, Us Guys choose from a laid out array of meats, cheeses, and various breads and condiments. Damn boy, until I came here I didn’t even know what Camembert was, or Foie Gras or mountain oysters but now I have them anytime I want. Hell, fucking food is fed to Me if I want. I deserve nothing less than total satisfaction in My life and, by God, that’s exactly what I’m going to have. My Big Brother showed Me what a Man’s whole fucking existence is and I gratefully adapted to the facts. The most negative things in My present life are sometimes i got aching, empty junk and the occasional fag mishap. It’s easy to overuse such willing, anxious faggots when they fucking beg Us to fuck them senseless. 

 Goddamn. Speaking of begging, here’s whitey (whitefaggot) and bunny (Jimmy). Dean must be sleeping and I know these two whores have sucked off J.B. and one of His guards cause I saw them outside of a guardshack. Fucking little sluts. Well, guess I’ll bust another nut while I eat My duck sausage roll and potato salad. No rest for a Deity, I guess. lol Later, fag boy.

It’s insane to see how far Master Cal has come from those tentative early days when I first met him! Back then, the world’s conditioning repressed his Alphahood almost completely. Now, after rinsing in the clear hierarchical waters of God Dino’s Alpha Paradise, Master Cal speaks with an electric urgency that reminds me a lot of Master Chad!

Speaking of which, Master Cal also REPRODUCES like Master Chad. Until recently, I had no idea Master Chad had impregnated one of the many local women he fucks. Well, a few days ago that woman gave birth to Master Cal’s first children – TWIN SONS! God Dino arranged for his lawyers to swoop in immediately and get complete legal custody for Master Cal to bring them back to The Mansion!

As you might expect, Master Cal was beaming!

You’re Goddamn right, hole! I got 2 Sons! I’m so potent I busted twins in the bitch! I’m so pleased right now that after I finish taking in Their cuteness I’m going make My faggot a very happy cum hole. 

I’m going to keep this short, fag boy but I want to show you how much I appreciate your help bringing Me to My Family. Pop said He wanted to adopt Me and give Me His name! Fuck! I’m a Goddamn D******** now! Fuck faggot! You got a clue how hard that made My sorry ass? I signed those papers quick, faggot. Chad laughed and said i signed them like there were about to disappear out of My hands. Smartass mutherfucker. Lol My terry and whitey look so sweet feeding the Boys. Goddamn I’m a Powerhouse of a Man!

Fuck, I’m pumped!! But here’s My gift to you fagboy, since I can’t fuck you bloody. My Sons names, in order by birth:

Calvin Dean D******* 

                and

Chadwick Samuel D*******  

I already know Their tags though, C.D. and Cas. Going to change the Little Kings and put em down. Then I’m going to rape and breed every Goddamned hole I find. I feel like I could fuck the world, bitch! I just might do it. I’ll get back soon fag boy. I hope you know the blessing I just gave you, you sweet little cum dump. I told you I owed you something. Now you got it. I’m telling you one fucking day I’m going to come and fuck your dirty faggot ass like you’ve always dreamed a real Man would do. Huh. Filthy fag boy.

Master and Father,

Calvin Franklin D******* 

Did you catch that? Master Cal’s second son carries the middle name “Samuel” in honor of ME!

When I saw that, I could’ve fallen over in shock. Instead, I got all weepy like I tend to do. I cannot even describe what it feels like to be honored like that by a straight God Alpha like Master Cal! I deserve nothing at all, but this great and powerful Alpha deigned to look down upon me and bequeath such a precious gift to me. I’m humbled beyond words, and I’ll be forever grateful for it! Thank you, Master!

This, my brothers, is why we serve these incredible Alphas! They deserve everything we have to give

I don’t care what your Master or cashmaster tells you – HE’S WRONG. And if you fetishize MAGA horseshit while snorting poppers and masturbating … YOU’RE WRONG.

America is being invaded, not by BROWN PEOPLE from foreign lands, but by people who want to be the BROWN SHIRTS of 1930s Nazi Germany. America has a dictator, and his name is Donald Trump. He’s far, far worse than any hardworking immigrant, illegal or otherwise.

This weekend promises to be the largest single nationwide protest in American history. It’s the “No Kings” march, and it’s happening in every major city in the country,

Now’s the time to correct your thinking, change course, and get on the right side of history. Believe me, the other road leads to civil war and the end of life as you’ve known it.

Hi Sam!

I know you’ve briefly mentioned in some of your podcasts and elsewhere about your experience in prison, but I’ve always been curious to hear more depth to what your lived experience was like inside, especially being a faggot. I haven’t been able to find anything else where you talk about it. If you don’t mind me asking, could I ask how things were for you during that season of your life and how being a faggot either advantaged or potentially disadvantaged you? The following are some questions that usually pop into my head:

1) Did you have to stop wearing a chastity cage? If so, was that hard for you?
2) Did you jerk off at all?
3) Did you service many alpha men while inside? In what ways?
4) Was it common for you to give blowjobs to other guys or let other men breed you for their own release?

5) In your experience, are most men in prison sexually fluid? Straight? Gay? Bi-curious?

6) How did you let other men know you were a sub fag?

I hope you don’t mind me asking those questions. I’ve always wanted to ask them ever since I found out about your time in prison. I would absolutely love to listen to a future podcast about you talking about your experiences. I’d find that fascinating.

Thank you, Sam the fag!

Hi, brother! Thanks for the question! 

It’s funny that you mention this, because I’ve been meaning to flesh out more of my thoughts and experiences from prison/jail. I really just spoke about the experience in large brushstrokes on the podcast, and there’s really so much to say (some of it difficult) that it’s hard to really want to try. But maybe your questions could be a springboard to that.

1. Yes, I had to come out of my chastity cage before reporting to prison. I thought I’d be happy about that, but I was, in fact, quite depressed about it. I felt completely uncomfortable without it on. When I was finally released, one of the first things I did was hurry and find my cage and put it back on! 

2. I did not jerk off at all. 

3. I didn’t service many, just two (as I said in the podcast). I guess I could’ve tried to service more, but I was quite terrified for the longest time because guys move differently in those situations and can be quite dangerous. I was less concerned about getting dick than surviving. But regardless, dick found me and I ended up sucking off two straight Alphas a couple of times.

4. It wasn’t common for anybody in that situation and in minimum security (“prison camp”). Oddly enough, it’s much easier to get regular dick in higher security prisons.

5. They’re almost always straight or straight-presenting. Anyone who wasn’t was a faggot, and there were few of them other than me. My saving grace is my personality and my ability to ingratiate myself wherever I am. 

6. I’m an incorrigible and relentless flirt, always making suggestive comments to “test the waters”. But everybody pretty much knew from the jump that I was a faggot. One of the black Alphas in my “cube” starting calling me a faggot within the first 24 hours I was there (we ended up on fine terms, though). 

I hope I answered your questions well enough! This was kind of fun! 

Have a question? CLICK HERE to ask!