Hi there. I hope I’m not asking questions that have been answered elsewhere. I’m a 29 year old fag who is married to a great guy who treats me well. We met when we were 19, so we’ve been together a very long time, and we love each other a lot. However, I’ve always had this feeling that something is missing in our relationship. I’ve always wanted to be dominated, to be subservient, to hand over control and decisions to someone. I thought it was just a kink, that I was a submissive bottom, and that my husband dominating me in the bedroom once in a while would satisfy those desires. My husband, an enthusiastic top, and even a little dominant, happily obliged. But always at my urging. And always stopping just short of where I wanted him to go, always cautious and never pushing my limits. He bought me a chastity cage, but he doesn’t order me to wear it and doesn’t hold me accountable when I fail to, so I’m essentially self-locked. And the domination always stops when we leave the bedroom. Over the years it has become clear to me that my husband is definitely kinky, and willing to explore my sexual fantasies, but at the end of the day will always view me as an equal. But I’ve also come to the realization that I am a faggot at heart. I don’t want to be equal. I want to be made to submit, to be told when and how to serve, to make a superior Alpha man happy with my submission. I’ve talked to my husband about this. We’ve had an open relationship since the beginning, and he’s been willing to let me explore these feelings both with him and other men. It’s been difficult though. My husband continues to wait for me to ask to be dominated before taking control. I’ve had a couple encounters with Alpha men who have used me, and those experiences have been incredible and I crave more. But I feel limited in how well and often I can serve due to my relationship, and thus somewhat unfulfilled. I know I could be a good faggot if simply allowed to. I don’t want to be a faggot just occasionally on the weekends. I want to grow into my potential. I guess I’m looking for advice. How can I explain to my husband that this is more than just a kink? Is it possible that by treating my man more like an Alpha, he may grow into the role? Or that I might find an Alpha or Alphas who can fit into our existing relationship dynamic? I love my husband and I want to be with him. But I know I won’t be truly happy if I don’t become the best faggot I can be. Thank you for reading. I’ll appreciate hearing any thoughts you might have on this. <3
This is a VERY common issue with gay couples. It’s a frustrating one because the established relationship (and the roles in it) acts as another barrier to fulfillment for whichever member needs something different,
Fortunately, a faggot can appeal to a Top much easier than an Alpha might appeal to a bottom, if that makes any sense. As you’ve said, your Top boyfriend has already expressed some amount of dominance toward you. The chastity cage raised my eyebrows, too. So clearly, your Top boyfriend has some interests in dominating you.
However, I think he’s pulling back on it because he thinks of this as a “kink” instead of a very real need you have to serve. This is also a very common problem with Tops – they cannot wrap their minds around the fact that their bottom actually needs to be OWNED and USED like property. But that is exactly what faggots crave, and why we are born.
You need to break through to your boyfriend. I mean seriously, start calling him “Sir” all the time, start sitting at his feet, stop eating at the table with him, ask his permission when you leave the room, start serving him all the time on every occasion. He doesn’t open his own doors anymore, etc. Really lean into being his FAGGOT in all aspects, and see how he reacts. This will either trigger his Alpha instincts (if he has them), or it will upset him. At least then you’ll know.
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