I’m 19, gay, and I’ve been thinking about this more and more lately and wanted to hear from people who might understand.
I grew up with my single dad who is in his mid 40s and older brother who is 21. My dad played college football back in the day and even now he still has that presence. Tall, broad shoulders, built, confident without trying. My brother took after him almost exactly. Same height, same frame, same way people just seem drawn to him.
Growing up I always idolized them and tried to emulate them, but it wasn’t really until I was in highschool that I realized we weren’t really the same. I held out for a growth spurt and some excess confidence that never came.
They are both very supportive of me even when I came out as gay (my dad even told me he fooled around in college), but I just realized even without the gay part people would never see me the way that they see them.
It seemed like girls and guys always orbited my brother, he was the quarter back on the football team. My dad never seemed to chase attention but somehow always had women chasing after him, even cause a minor scandal when he was caught with my friends mom who was married. My brother’s the same. He doesn’t really try and still people want to be around him. Even other guys seem to naturally defer to him.
Then there’s me.
I’m short. Skinny. Never athletic. I’m gay, which I don’t think caused it, but it made me notice dynamics differently. I’m not intimidating, not dominant, not the guy people look at when he walks into a room. I’ve always felt more comfortable observing than leading. I think if it weren’t for my brother I probably would have been fucked with a lot more in school. The football team kind of acted like a squad of bully’s but they wouldn’t do anything if it was against him.
For a long time I thought I’d eventually grow into being like them. But lately I’ve accepted I’m just not built for that role. I found your website looking to alpha males and honestly I think I’m a faggot.
Not in a self-hating way. More like realizing some people seem naturally suited to being the center of gravity and others aren’t.
I look at my dad and brother and think, these are alphas. Since the house was just guys, it was always pretty bro-y. We’d hang out in just in our underwear, rough house, talk in rude and gross ways.
Honestly, a big part of my gay awakening was when I was in middleschool and I guess all my dad’s underwear was dirty because he wasn’t in his usual underwear, he was just hanging out naked. I hadn’t grown pubes yet, and had never seen a grown man’s dick. I was in awe at the hair, his size, and even the smell that filled the room. I asked him why mine wasn’t like that and he said when I became a man, mine would grow to be like his (not even close).
Ever since then I have since around then loved smelling their underwear whenever I get the chance.
Anyways, this leads up to the main reason I am writing in. My brother went to school out of state 3 years ago, but I started going to a local community college so for the past few years it’s just been me and dad.
This Saturday, we were watching a movie and he was drinking a bit. Shooting the shit like usual. Out of no where he asked me if I was bottom? I took a second to process that he’d ask me something like that. I told him that I haven’t had an experiences other than oral, but that I think so. He said he figured and grinned a little bit while he sipped his beer. That offended me a little bit and he asked him why. He asked if I thought I was always sneaky grabbing his dirty underwear out of the hamper. I was probably as red as a tomato I was so embarrassed. “You could always just ask, bud” and he chuckled a bit and grabbed his bulge. He was just wearing tighty whities. I was so flustered I couldn’t think of how to respond, I was embarrassed that I knew what I was doing, embarrassed that he could tell I was a bottom. I just turned my head toward the movie but honestly could not take in any of the information.
I don’t know how many he had, but he was definitely feeling it. He pulled out his giant veiny dick and said “You can always come straight to the source”. I had never seen it hard and it was like a pornstar’s. I was in shock but then he was even clearer “You can suck on it if you want”. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I got on my knees in front of him. He kept chuckling. I put his tip in my mouth and start sucking. I knew the scent and taste so well from his underwear but it was stronger and triggered something it me. Tried to get my lips to the base but I couldn’t so I just sucked on the top half and worked the base with my hands. He must have been needed it because he came in my mouth after about 2 minutes. I swallowed. It was amazing. But suddenly the reality that I just sucked my dad’s dick. He patted me on the head and said I was a good boy, while he put it back in his underwear.
I was full of excitement, and horror, and his cum. It was my ultimate fantasy but now I wondered what this meant for our family. He just turned back to the movie but I ran to my room. Furiously masturbated and then went to sleep.
When I woke up I could still taste his musk. And at first I savored it before getting in my head again and hoping he was too drunk and wouldn’t remember it.
When I went downstairs he was already up and had made coffee. So I was pretty sure he wasn’t so drunk he wouldn’t remember. My fear was confirmed when he asked why I ran off so quick last night. I was horrified but we had a good and incredibly embarrassing conversation. He said he had used lots of boys like me in college. I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am. That we were in this together and that we could both help each other out. He said it was completely up to me but that he could tell by how quickly I got on my knees that I’d want more. We had a pretty normal lazy Sunday after that but my mind keeps racing.
Do you have any advice? Have you heard of other alpha fathers using their faggot sons? Is this natural?
My little brother, thank you for writing to me!
I must admit, I’m a little disappointed in myself. I’ve been at this so long and have had so many really crazy true stories that I feel like I should’ve seen that wild plot twist in your experience coming a mile away! I can only imagine how you felt and how confused you must be right now!
Let me answer this in “reverse”. Yes, I’ve covered multiple “Alpha Father sexually uses his faggot son” scenarios over the 11-year lifespan of this site. I’ve never seen any turn out negatively; in fact, quite the opposite! In possibly the most remarkable example, God Alpha Dino used (and occasionally still does use) his faggot son Jimmy. Their stories can be found in the right sidebar or by following the links I’ve provided.
The world condemns such relations between fathers and sons, of course, but hierarchy doesn’t operate within the narrow parameters of “moral values”. Hierarchy distills relationships (especially male relationships) into the pure animal instincts found within the power and dominance. At that level, your Dad ceases to be your father and simply transforms into a feral and dominant Alpha with needs that supersedes yours as the faggot programmed to satisfy them.
It’s that instinctive wiring we all have that caused your Dad to understand what you are and pull out his dick, and the instinctive wiring in you that caused you to immediately kneel and service him. Can you see that, feel that, understand that? I bet you can, and I bet your Dad can, too.
That’s why I don’t consider this situation to be “wrong”. You and your Dad are simply two males fulfilling roles you were born to play hierarchically.
It’s not surprising that your Dad used faggots in school. Many straight Alphas do. I’ve been the “first faggot” to multiple straight Alphas, so I can say it with confidence that straight Alphas possibly understand best how to use and train faggots because they are typically more in-touch with pure, unfettered masculinity. Your Dad has likely known what you are for a long time, but like any great Alpha he watched over your development and acted only when he felt it was the right time to teach you these important hierarchical lessons.
In some ways, having a Dad who is also a Master is the best situation for young faggots. Your Dad can train you with love and care, something that isn’t always guaranteed out in the world. Your Dad can strengthen your self-esteem, something lacking in many faggots. This will help you make better choices so that your precious gift of submissive service isn’t wasted on unworthy pretenders.
There is no better example of this than Jimmy. Master Dino’s use of his faggot son and the training he’s provided him has made Jimmy into one of the strongest faggots I know, and Jimmy is constantly overjoyed by the privilege he has serving both his God Alpha father and his two Alpha brothers (again, I strongly encourage you to read those threads).
I hope my answer covers your initial concerns, little brother. I know you’re reeling from all of this, but sharing these feelings with your Dad will help him understand how to guide you. I would really like you to share this post with him so he can read what you wrote and how I responded. You are, after all, his faggot … so he should be involved in any influences on you.
I’m always here if you need me. Please feel free to write to me anytime!
Love,
sam the faggot
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